Happy New Year!

2009 just can't suck as much as 2008 did. It just can't.

Good luck to all of us!

Rob Parker of the Detroit News is a weenie!

Watch this.

Rob Parker of the Detroit News was asking the questions.

Marinelli feels badly enough as it is for being on the verge of 0-16. He doesn't need a rude jerk like Parker grilling him about who Marinelli's daughter should have married.

The Lions will, doubtless, fire Marinelli, but if the Detroit News had any balls, they'd fire Parker as well.

Way to go Shaun!!

Shaun Hill went from a quarterback rating of 17 through three quarters to 132 in the last quarter to pull the Niners to a 1-point win against the oh-so inept St. Louis Rams.

Singletary almost yanked Hill, but didn't and Shaun showed us all something.

It was a great game... in the last quarter.

Just wait 'til next year!

What fabric is it?

OK... I watched The Hulk tonight, and even though I've seen it a couple of times, I never noticed this before tonight's viewing: how do his shorts stay on?!?

What fabric are they made from that they can stretch 20 times their normal size and not rip?!?

Then, when he goes back to Bruce Banner size, how do they go back with him?

I won't lose sleep over this, but I am curious.

You have to love the guy's ability...

George F. Will might not be everyone's favorite, but his talents as a writer are undeniable.

Take this gem from his 12/20/08 op-ed, With Auto Bailout, Bush is Heaving a Shoe at Congress:

"History teaches that it is difficult for Congress to be only intermittently invertebrate."

Oh... he's good.

Recession???

Unbelievable!

Bend over New York sports fans.

Which one was the heel?

This story needs to be read.

This journalist, Muntadar al-Zeidi, was moved enough to take the action he took. If only more of our journalists had thrown their shoes (either figuratively or literally) before the Iraq invasion: we might not have invaded.

Now someone has beaten al-Zeidi?

Sure, he pitched his Hush Puppies at the president. OK. This was maybe wrong-headed at least and incredibly stupid at worst. But should he be beaten, tried, and imprisoned for doing it?

Absolutely not.

Dubya, to his credit, handled it very well.

But even as he keeps blathering about democracy breaking out everywhere, he misses the point: if free-speech is vital to the proper function of any democracy, wasn't al-Zeidi simply exercising his right to free-speech?

Yes, anyone's right to throw their shoes might end at the point that anyone else's head begins, but Bush should use his head (for once) and see this act as a positive sign.

Yes, al-Zeidi might not have made it out of the room if he had targeted Saddam's head, but the truth is that al-Zeidi would never have tried doing this to Saddam because free-speech wasn't a hallmark of Saddam's regime. Bush can't have it both ways. (Look what happened when Hamas was democratically voted into power?)

Democracy isn't easy. It takes practice, patience, effort, work.... thrown shoes.

Give al-Zeidi a fine and a few weeks in jail, then let him get back to being a journalist and exercising his right to free-speech. Iraq's democracy will be better for it.

Madoff Haiku...

hey Bernie Madoff
your sons had to turn you in
you are a douche bag

I have an idea, Bernie!

After reading this, I have a great idea Bernie!

Why not get one relative to pay another relative to pay a friend to pay another relative to pay another friend to pay your bail?!

I think it could work!

Oh yeah... right... that's why you're in the mess you're in.

Oh well.

It's Punday!

I just can't resist...

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Bernard Madoff.

Bernard Madoff who?

Bernard Madoff with all your money.

God is an iron...

Spider Robinson once said "God is an iron" in how he seems to use irony like a paintbrush.

Here is a story about a man named Madoff who "made off" with other people's money.

You just can't write this stuff.

OJ Haiku...

OJ will wish his
jail cell is as nice as the
Palace Station room.

Dear George...

You're fired.

Sincerely,
52 million-plus happy Americans

P.S. Sean, Ann, Bill, Rush, and Laura... it sucks to be you.
Get over it. We could do it... twice... so can you.

Please VOTE!

No Voting = No Sniveling!!!

Besides, voting will make you feel good so you won't want to snivel.

And... there are no words...

...for this sort of insanity, either.

Yes... they're completely free to believe what they believe and to say anything about their beliefs, but I'm completely free to believe they're both completely nuts.

There are no words for...

...this sort of insanity.

Barack the Dad...

Barack Obama spent part of Halloween attending a party with his family. When he felt photographers were getting a bit too close to them, he asked them to back off.

John McCain, who doesn't let anything slide, will probably find in this episode something about which he can shrilly caw through the next 24-hour news cycle, such as telling the press what a good friend to them he is and that he'd never say such a thing as "back off" to anyone.

Meanwhile, Governor Palin will doubtless be fed some inane tagline from her handlers that she can repeat ad nauseam, which will make some insipid connection between trick-or-treat and tax-or-terrorize, or something equally illogical.

But both of them should instead just shut up and respect who they're seeing: Barack the Dad.

No Voting = No Sniveling

I love to vote...

I voted today. I've been voting since the 1972 Presidential Election. It always makes me feel good. I love to vote.

You have that sensation that everything is good and special in the world, that the universal balance is just perfect, that there's no anxiety about your decision because you can't know the election results: just the happy, altruistic sensation of having done something positive.

Millions of people around the world wish they could vote. So do I. But I sure hope Mickey Mouse, Goofy Dog, and Yosemite Sam don't vote this year. That would piss me off. These guys never vote the same way I do.

No Voting = No Sniveling

It's official!

The Socialist Party of America's 2008 presidential nominee, Brian Moore, said on The Colbert Report tonight that Barack Obama is definitely not a socialist, anything but.

Whew. I'm glad that's over.

Now, if we can just get Rosy the Plumber to say Joe the Plumber is not a plumber. Imagine that. Sweet vindication!

No Voting = No Sniveling

OMG ED...

Are your eyes fatigued from keeping them glued to TV's campaign coverage?

Does your mouse finger ache from scrolling through the political blogs?

Are you up to your ears with Keith's pronouncements?

Do you want to projectile vomit at the sound of Sean's voice?

Have you stopped laughing when Rush speaks... about anything?

Do you feel bad for Ann since she can't support/vote for Hilary?

Are you just plain sick of Sarah's wardrobe malfunctions?

John's pander fests?

Barack's redistributisms?

Joe's malaprops?

Well, Mr. Joe Sixpack, you just might suffer from E.D... that's right...

...Electile Dysfunction!

The only cure for E.D. is to vote!

No Voting = No Sniveling

Sparty On!

Great game today!

State looked good and and UNM didn't.

I loved every minute of it, but Bob Ufer is on spin cycle (may he rest in peace).

Sparty hearty and sing along!

Hockey Mom haikus, part deux...

Wasilla's new rink
sounded like a good idea
but it's still going.

Saks Fifth Avenue
and Neiman Marcus make her
look good but not John.

Uncomfortable stuff...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

At times, I just couldn't believe my ears.

I'm officially and entirely on the side of, "happy, excited, exuberant, and motivated."

"Uncomfortable stuff," indeed.

"A lie big enough..."

On NPR's Weekend Edition, this morning, a man from Colorado said,"If McCain loses this election, we're headed into Communism. Is that plain enough?"

Sadly, yes; it is plain enough. It's plain to see that John and Sarah (et al.) have repeated the "Obama is a Socialist" lie often enough that some people, such as yourself, now believe it.

Wow. Great work, John and Sarah.

But why stop there, you two? There's still time to roll out something like, "Obama is a space alien from an Islamic planet intent on taking over Earth, whose resulting Communist government will tax the rich and redistribute that money so everyone who wants one will be able to get Canadian-style health care and an abortion from Satan at the commune's clinic?"

Too bad, though. You really missed your chance. Oh well.

Look, I defend this Colorado man's right to his opinion, to anyone's right to theirs, but how did he arrive at it?

For one possible answer, please consider the following quote: “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.” -Joseph Goebbels

R.I.P. Journalism...

I just heard Sean Hannity say tonight on Hannity and Combs that "journalism died in 2008."

According to the sage Mr. Hannity, this happened because the media (Sean-speak for the liberal media) is in the tank for Barack Obama and won't investigate his connection to Bill Ayers, even though Fox News investigated this very connection, spent a prime-time hour of their own air presenting its fair and balanced case, and still no one cares.

Why? because... wait for it... no one cares!

If journalism died, it did so a long time ago: at the precise moment Sean Hannity got a job as one. We can only hope if journalism does die, it's his extremist, invective-filled form of it.

And from whose tank is he pointing his pen-filled finger, anyway? Keep talking, Sean: with every utterance, you help fund the Obama war chest.

Heavy is the crown...

New York City's Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has just managed to steal a possible third term.

Perhaps instead he should have just done something more subtle, like this, so his constituents, NYC's voters, wouldn't have to feel so bad about getting bent over so blatantly by the Bloomster.

But I guess it's for their own good... right?

Wearing thin...

"If we swipe enough free sh*t,
we just might pay for this fiasco."
- Roy McAvoy, "Tin Cup"

According to the Census Bureau, median earnings for women in 2007 were $35,102.

Meanwhile, the McCain Campaign, champions of the little guy and gal, just put Country First and spent approximately $150,000 to outfit Governor Sarah Palin in clothes from three of the most fashionable and expensive stores in the world. My hunch is that few if any of the small towns of which the governor is so fond of speaking can boast of a single Saks, Neiman Marcus, or Bloomingdales.

The amount spent on her clothing is what a little more than four American women --- a hockey mom, a Wal-Mart mom, a small-town mom, and Josephine the Plumber --- would earn in a year, working full time.

A disconnect?

Ya think?

Maybe it's this simple: maybe someone in the McCain Campaign is feeling guilty about hoodwinking the governor into joining this tacky ticket by trying to make the whole ordeal worth her while, trying to compensate her for her time keeping their fiasco afloat.

Who's the socialist here?

Let me see if I have this correctly. Governor Sarah Palin is claiming that Barack Obama wants to take money from one segment of society and give it to another, to redistribue wealth. She says he's going to do this by taxing those making more than $250,000 a year and giving tax rebates to those who make substantially less. She calls this socialism, calls Obama a socialist.

But she has given virtually everyone in Alaska almost $3,300, and this money came from Alaska's oil savings account and the Alaska Permanent Fund. According to Alaska's Revenue Commissioner and Lt. Governor, Governor Palin's intent is to "redistribute wealth back to the people."

OK, here's where I'm missing something: why is it alright for her to redistribute wealth, but it's not alright for Obama to redistribute wealth? Why is she not calling herself a socialist?

Oh, I know why. It's the same reason she can call herself...

• a reformer, yet abuse power;
  
• ethical, yet hire and appoint family, friends, and donors to positions in Alaskan government;
• a Wal-Mart mom, yet shop at Needless Markup;
• fiscally responsible, yet bill the state for her family's needless travel expenses and for her own per diem expenses while staying in her own house.

Oops.

Style over substance...

Never could there be a better example of what it means to put style over substance.

Whoever is handling Governor Sarah Palin within the McCain Campaign should re-consider where they need to spend their money.

Would the McCain Campaign, and the governor, have been better served had whomever decided to spend around $150,000 on her wardrobe decided instead to spend a bit more time and money getting her square on things she needs to know, such as what the true role of the vice-president might be?

The answer is yes.

It's obvious someone chose to put style way over substance here, and I really do feel sorry for this woman: she's being used as a crash-test dummy, a well-dressed one, but a CTD nevertheless.

Hey Democrats! Repeat after me...

I'd like to make a suggestion to all you Democrats as you lead up to the presidential election: for the next 13 days, just say "no comment" to every question you're asked. This suggestion applies to all you Democrats whose off-the-cuff commentary might have some effect on the electorate in their district and their state.

For example...

• When you're asked, Senator Schumer, what you think Obama's chances are, just smile and say "no comment."
• When you're asked, Senator Biden, if you think the Obama administration might be tested by an international crisis after it enters office, just smile and say "no comment."
• When you're asked a question, Senator Kerry, that might cause you to attempt to make a joke about someone or something (i.e., to show just exactly how inept your sense of humor truly is), just smile and say "no comment."
• When you're asked, Senator Frank, about the possibility of some new area of taxation, just smile and say "no comment."
• When you're asked, Congressman Murtha, if your district might have been comprised of racists and rednecks, just smile and say "no comment."
• And if any one of you is asked what color the sky is or how bat-sh*t crazy Ann Coulter is or what a complete thug Sean Hannity is or what state Washington D.C. is in or who's buried in Elvis's freaking grave... JUST SMILE AND SAY "NO COMMENT!"

Look, in order to pull this off, all you have to do is believe that anything you might have to say is nowhere near as important as this election, because guess what guys? IT ISN'T!!

The additional years of misery we'll all have to endure will in no way be compensated for by the fleeting satisfaction you'll enjoy from saying something only you think is important or clever or funny or witty or insightful.

Just remember... the conventional wisdom suggests that upon finding yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging, but the corollary to this is as follows: upon finding yourself not in a hole, the last thing to do is start digging.

So put those shovels away, guys.

We all enjoy, and should vigorously defend, our first amendment right to free speech, but for the next 13 days, just shut the hell up! PLEASE!

Getting all mavericky in 2006...

Regarding Senator McCain's recent embrace of (read "pander to") the anti-ACORN sentiment being whipped up by the right, all you need to know is this, which, at the time it was filmed, was a problem for John McCain: looks like history does repeat itself.

Of course you can change your mind about anything you wish, Senator; I just hope the value you received for your soul was commensurate to the loss.

ACORN has serious problems, but it's not going to win an election for you.

This should not have to be said, but...

...Barack Obama is not a messiah,

...Barack Obama is not an Arab,

...Barack Obama is not a Muslim, and

... Barack Obama is not a terrorist.

With all due respect, Reverend Farrakhan, you just need to keep this inflammatory messiah commentary to yourself; being Arab is a matter of birth, just like being Irish or French or Greek, or being Pennsylvanian or Oregonian; choosing to be or being born Muslim is no different than choosing to be or being born Baptist or Catholic or Buddhist; and what a complete, albeit unfunny, crock of a joke the whole terrorist thing is.

All these claims are ludicrous, and, as such, no one should ever have to make the counter-claims.

But they're being made nevertheless, and John McCain's campaign should be ashamed of itself for allowing its part of this BS to continue as long as it has. Saying they don' t approve of said BS (and the covert email and Internet campaigns that promote it) is the same argument they're trying to make against Obama vis-a-vis Ayers. Obama clearly said he condemns Ayers' prior acts. Why, then, isn't it enough for Obama to condemn Ayers' acts, when it is enough for the McCain campaign to claim they don't approve of people using Obama's middle name as an epithet? This is a complete contradiction (a.k.a. hypocrisy).

People have a right to say whatever they want, but the listeners have a right to disagree with what's been said, and these claims and the arguments and propaganda that led to them are so ridiculous that they would be laughable if the reality of the situation behind them wasn't so sad (so scary), and that reality is this: apparently people are stupid enough and are hateful enough and are prejudiced enough to believe such utter nonsense.

What other conclusion can be derived? What other inference can be drawn? And what an odd combination of accusations: a messiah and a terrorist?!? Yikes. Why not just move past the limits of reason and claim he's an ET? This claim couldn't be any more absurd.

Look, Peggy Noonan is right: political discourse just has to be raised above this gutter level of personal attacks, these specious questions about citizenship, about patriotism, about heritage. Moreover, John McCain just has to step up and make an effort to do this now, before it's too late. Such a simple act on John's part might cost him the election, but if he does this, if he comes clean about this, he just might be remembered for having done it instead of being remembered for the alternative, which I just can't see as anything but horrible.

This is not John McCain's fault, but... his continued silence is deafening.

Open letter to Alaska...

Dear Alaska,

Regarding your offer to share your governor as the Republican Party's candidate for vice-president, this was very nice of you: sharing is always a good thing. But we'll have to say thanks, but no thanks: we'd like to request you come get her and take her back to Alaska.

All she can seem to do is repeat the stale lines she's being told to say by her handlers and attack people who don't agree with her narrow point of view. While this might be perfect for Alaska, where the nights last six months allowing people to sleep through her monotonous and mean-spirited diatribes, it's not working down here in the contiguous 48 states where we have to be awake more. Also, let's be honest: hearing Sean Hannity and Greta Van Susteren ask her the same questions over and over is getting sort of boring.

What's most important, though, is that you need to know she's been duped by the McCain campaign; they picked her as a patsy in a massive pander to a base that hates John McCain. Sure, this base loves her by comparison to John, but she's not running for president, and after all, this same base voted for John's pal George W. Bush... twice... so consider the source.

Sadly, she's hitched her wagon to a falling star, to a guy who will take the Republican Party down with him and ruin it for compassionate conservatives everywhere if he continues to behave as he has, and no one wants that. Further, he'll ruin your governor's chances at a political future if she continues to go along with his erratic behavior: think about it, she won't have smart people, like those running McCain's campaign, telling her what to say.

If she gets out now she might have a shot at president in another four years, but if she stays, she might crash and burn with her running mate.

Also, you all just need to be practical about this: your governor needs to be back in Alaska in order to give The First Dude rides to the courthouse so he can respond to the subpoena that was issued in his name. Plus, let's face it head on: all America needs her in Alaska so she can keep an eye on Russia in case that jerk Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the US, so coming and getting her now would be good for everyone. After all, everyone knows that Republicans truly believe altruism is its own reward.

In closing, I'd like to thank you once again for allowing us to spend time with your governor. It's been a slice of heaven, but heaven can wait. Now please, come and get her.

Sincerely,
A Whole Bunch of Americans

Hockey Mom Haikus…

She can softly speak
but slips hatred so smoothly
through smiling lipstick.

Repeating claims of
domestic terrorism
do not make them true.

John barks and won't bite
but the Alaskan Pitbull
will do this for him.

She speaks and they yell
"Lynch the terrorist!" "Kill Him!"
as she smiles throughout.

Hannity's shrill claims
of Ayers-Obama bond are
Sarah's new slapshots.

It's McCain's last gasp
but it's her dream of power
in four years from now.

Passive-aggression on the campaign trail...

John McCain, "the maverick," is, by his own admission...

• not a winner of a Miss Congeniality contest,
• resistant to the status quo,
• against the flow,
• stubborn,
• churlish,
  
• resistant to authority,
• often irritable,
• frequently argumentative, and
  
• against the ideas of others.

Hmmm... I have a thought, my friends... maybe what's being passed off as maverick behavior is simply passive-aggressive behavior.

Q.E.D.?

John MacCain is his own worst enemy...

Watching tonight's debate, it finally dawned on me; I finally figured it out: John McCain just can't stay out of his own way.

The filter that most normal human beings have to prevent saying mean-spirited, hurtful things, doesn't work in John's brain. It's broken. John can't resist taking cheap shots and making snide remarks. He can't help but blurt out sarcasm and vitriol. What he calls "straight talk" is an excuse, a rationalization for this dysfunction.

John... as you say these things, as you refuse to pass up an opportunity to attack your opponent's character rather than attack your opponent's position, you forget that you're being heard by millions of people who just might believe you're a bad-tempered jerk, who just might question the character of such an angry man, and who just might turn away from that man.

Do yourself a favor and put a muzzle on yourself, or at least edit yourself. Otherwise, you'll be a footnote in history instead of the hero you're trying to make yourself out to be and have been trying to make everyone believe for the last eight years. You might have seemed this way eight years ago, John, but not now.

The karmic hole you're digging for yourself is already too deep to fill in.

Stop digging.

Pallin' with terrorists and ignorin' subpoenas...

In a recent speech Governor Sarah Palin said “Our opponent [Barack Obama] is someone who sees America it seems as being so imperfect that he’s palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.”

This comment is absurd when you consider that Obama was 8 years old when Ayres and his real "pals" committed their obviously heinous acts, that Obama has denounced Bill Ayres' philosophies and previous behaviors, and that the board on which Obama and Ayres both served was a charity organization, which was in 1995, 13 years ago.

Meanwhile, the Governor's husband Todd Palin is actively ignoring a legal subpoena issued by Alaska's legislature.

In doing so, is The First Dude palling around with law breakers? I'll bet Governor "Pallin'"probably doesn't see it this way. Maybe she and Todd can get their witchdoctor to cast the demons out of the Alaskan legislature.

My hunch? That far-right-wingnut Sean Hannity poured poison in Governor Palin's ear about this "palling" thing during a recent "interview" that aired on "Hannity and Combs." No proof; just a hunch based on Hannity's having been on his Ayres diatribe for months, now.

Typical right-wing-Rovian tactics: ignore real issues, and attack character.

I really hope people see this hypocrisy for what it is before it's too late. (And it appears things might be heading in this direction.)

A very good idea...

A good friend sent this link to me, which is to an article that describes what appears to be a very good idea about how to address critical aspects of the mortgage issues we're facing: the decrease in house values and the increase in foreclosures.

Source: R. Glenn Hubbard and Chris Mayer, Wall Street Journal, 2008

You betcha I'm gonna hurl!

Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin, could you explain your view of the vice-presidency and how you will go about your role if elected?

Gov. Palin: In this great country of ours, John McCain is the only choice for lowerin' taxes and gettin' ridda the greed on Wall Street.

Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin, could you respond to the question I asked?

Gov. Palin: In this great country of ours, establishin' a strong energy policy 'n addin' jobs will be the only response we need. Drill baby drill!

Gwen Ifill: But how do energy policy and taxes have anything to do with the vice presidency?

Gov. Palin: All you havta do is ask John McCain, because he's a maverick who'll shake up Washington and lead this great country of ours ta that shinin' city on a hill.

Gwen Ifill: God... you really are a poser, aren't you?

Gov. Palin: You can pose any question ya want, Gwen, but I'm speakin' directly to the American people who know I'm a hockey mom with lipstick. You betcha!

Gwen Ifill: No... I mean you're a puppet, a talking-points automaton, an empty pants suit.

Gov. Palin: With John McCain shakin' things up in Washington, we'll automate many o' the policies that're boggin' down this great country of ours, and puppet lovers everywhere will feel empowered because of our tax breaks. You betcha.

Gwen Ifill: You are absolutely useless.

Gov. Palin: John McCain has always been supportin' and fundin' useless programs in his almost three decades in the U.S. Senate, by golly.

Gwen Ifill: Shut up.

Senator Biden: Please... shut up.

Gov. Palin: You betcha Gwen. There ya go Joe. As a maverick myself, I'll work ta make the greedy Wall Street fat cats shut up when John McCain speaks for this great county of ours and we make that walk up the hill ta the shining city that's... on... the... um... hill, doggone it.

Gwen Ifill: Oh what's the use. Thank you, and good night.

I'll admit it: better than I thought...

I admit it: John McCain did far better in last night's debate than I gave him credit for in a recent post.

It's obvious he has had a long career (never denied this).

It's obvious he understands the complexities of the world (never denied this either).

But it's also obvious he's cranky, sarcastic, dismissive, and completely wrong for the role of POTUS. He wouldn't even look Obama in the eyes. What's that about?

For the last eight years we've had a stuffed shirt in the job: a clueless, fumbling, bumbling, dufuss who seems more content with correctly pronouncing the name of a head of state than with saying anything with any substance. His one "moment" was immediately after 9/11, and he had my respect and admiration, but he then just kept opening his mouth and inserting not just his feet, but the feet of all those around him who had anything to do with the policy BS he was spouting. It's completely clear we need someone in this position who has gravitas, heft, and substance. We don't need a weenie, and the new John McCain is a weenie.

No, I'm not resorting to ad hominems. Look back at my previous posts: I've liked and respected the guy for a long time. But I have to clearly state the problem with the new John McCain.

The old John McCain, the one who stood up to --- but was ultimately savaged and ruined by --- the Rovian Machine in the 2000 campaign was a good man, a straight-talker, and a consistent, steady person for whom I could have voted. But now, he's a pandering, grumpy, rude, mean-spirited, disrespectful, angry curmudgeon who wears his lack of congeniality like a tie, who makes irascibility a point of pride.

He's perfect as senator and, as such, is where he should remain, and you've only to look at the quality of his recent decisions to see he lacks the temperament needed to accede to higher office. His ready-fire-aim style is not the level-headed strategy we need. He should not be given the job of representing the US to the rest of the world.

This isn't the wild west. We've had a clueless cowboy for eight years and look where it got us; therefore, we don't need a maniac maverick (a wanna-be cowboy) for even another eight hours.

This isn't an international pissing contest, John, so put it back in your pants.

DWC...

Driving While Californian (DWC) has set a new standard.

I'm sorry, but people should not have to be told not to be stupid.

GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!

Sorry to shout, but I've just about had it with John McCain's mealy-mouthed, sanctimonious, self-righteousness. He's postponing his campaign to fly back to Washington to help get the Bush Administration's (or his version of their) proposal for quenching the financial meltdown passed.

Puh-LEASE... spare me. Barney Frank said it best: "It's the longest Hail Mary pass in the history of either football or Marys."

McCain's campaign is foundering and he's trying to force Obama into joining him in Washington when few on the left or the right feel their presence is anything but a distraction.

Admit it, John, you're simply not ready to debate. You breathed a sigh of relief when Obama declined your town hall meeting invitation (a side-show that would have accomplished little), and now that it's time to actually discuss issues that matter --- instead of read what's been written for you --- you're freaked out by it.

Admit it!

All your campaign knows how to do is pose and posture.

Yes, this financial crisis is real and it matters, but there are far better heads tending to it than a guy who said he's not an expert on the economy. Heck, John, your wife runs a business: she has better credentials for helping solve it than you ever will. Besides, you were "the deregulator," so you and your ilk share in the blame for it.

God I hope people in this country don't fall for this stunt, because that's all it is: a craven and transparent head-fake to try to get people's attention off his poor campaign performance and get him into a free photo-op so he can look all presidential.

I really used to think a great deal of you, John, but you've turned into a pandering fool who will say anything to anyone about anything just to get elected.

George F. Will said it quite well: "Under the pressure of the financial crisis, one presidential candidate is behaving like a flustered rookie playing in a league too high. It is not Barack Obama."

This stunt reeks! Please don't fall for it America! Please!

It won't be enough...

Barack Obama announced he's leaving the Trinity Church in the wake of all the controversy that has followed his campaign.

What else could he do?

But you watch: his decision will not satisfy the extreme right-wing talking heads. Sean Hannity will continue to make it the issue. Laura Ingraham will continue with it as well.

These sharks smell blood in the water.

And don't get me wrong...

Left-wing hacks are no less smarmy than right-wing hacks.

A hack is a hack. And left-wing groups, like moveon.org, and their 527 ilk need to back off as well.

They all need to stay out of the process and stop hiding behind claims of free speech. Free speech is a right given to individuals, not to non-profit groups with enough money to build a giant megaphone or to corporations with enough money to buy phalanxes of lobbyists.

From the left or from the right, it's just wrong no matter from what direction it comes.

Not that he cares, but...

...I'm losing respect for John McCain.

When he was presenting himself as more of a moderate, I liked the guy: his positions were less extreme; his behavior less bellicose, less erratic. He claimed in the media, recently (via his wife Cindy), that he was going to run a clean campaign, but what he's doing is quietly standing by as Sean, Laura, Ann, Bill O, Bill C, Rush, and others, nip at Obama's heels in hopes of eventually taking him down in a cloud of off-topic "issues" that amount to pretty much nothing (and this doesn't even consider the right-wing 527 groups that will go after Obama when the real campaign starts this summer).

And they're not attacking Obama for his positions on the dollar, on the economy, on Iraq and Iran, on health care, or on political reform, but on the church he attended and on the pastors who speak there. They're using their own special brand of hate speech to decry what they claim to be hate speech.

Since when have a candidate's religious views been a metric for the presidency? We're not a theocracy, and the men who wrote the Declaration of Independence set things up to preclude this from happening. But we're moving toward a theocracy, nevertheless.

The irony is that these same attack dogs, don't even like McCain, but the thing they like even less than McCain is the idea of a Democratic administration in November. So, they're willing to subordinate their already low ethical stances by being even more unethical just to have a Republican, any Republican, in the White House.

Obama is no saint. His relationship with Rezko was probably not terribly bright, and he might have other skeletons rattling somewhere as well, but who doesn't. Saints have to be officially canonized, and last time I checked, the papacy hadn't ruled on Obama. And what about our current president's and vice-president's questionable associations throughout the years? What of McCain's lobbyist "problems?" Why are these exempt? Why don't Sean, or Bill, or Laura, or Rush spend half their shows talking about these?

John... please... tell these lackeys that you don't need their hateful interference.

Be the stand-up guy you were in 2000 and 2004.

Let your straight talk be the straight truth.

Put these jackals back in their kennels.

RIP Harvey Korman...

Mr. Korman died yesterday, and I would have liked to tell him how much I've appreciated his contributions to my sense of humor.

He was Hedley Lamarr, Rat Butler, the Great Gazoo, Professor Auguste Balls, Dr. Charles Montague, and always funny.

Although he was usually the straight man — to Mel Brooks or Carol Burnett — his lines were usually great, telling Nurse Diesel (in High Anxiety), "More bondage, less discipline," or Slim Pickens (in Blazing Saddles), "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives," or "'Ditto?' 'Ditto?' You provincial putz?"

He was great.

Rest in peace, Mr Korman, and thank you.

Of bottle tops and toasters...

Please explain to me how we can put spacecraft on the surface of Mars, build enormous dams and bridges, and cure all manner of diseases, but we can't seem to make an olive oil bottle top that fits tightly on the bottle.

Perhaps it's a conspiracy within the olive oil industry to have olive oil go rancid, forcing us to buy more olive oil.

And as long as I'm talking about food, why can't anyone make a toaster that doesn't suck?

Please give me a toaster that works and an olive oil bottle top that stays on tight.

Another "Pit?"

If anyone remembers the Frank Morris novel The Pit, we seem to be entering a phase similar to the one Norris describes in his early 20th-century work, in which commodities traders trade in such things as wheat, for their already-rich clients who often make mere pennies per trade.

The direct parallel that Norris draws is that as greed-driven wheat prices rise — traded ever higher in the Chicago Commodity Exchange — and the rich get richer, the little people who need the bread made from wheat, suffer.

Morris's title refers to the literal trading pit in which brokers work and to the metaphorical pit of despair into which the poor fall as prices and hunger rise. The current parallel is, perhaps, undeniable.

Instead of wheat, however, we have corn's increasing use for biofuel production (principally, Ethanol) driving its price ever higher (250 percent since 2006, by some estimates). Further, corn is already used in so many products (in its syrup and other forms) that our reliance on it as a food is clear.

What effects, then, will commodities brokers and the people for whom they trade, have on corn's price, on its availability as a food source? And might there be another crop — on which we don't rely for food — that could instead serve the biofuel needs of our over-driven nation and leave corn to be used primarily for food?

Sadly, the answer might be seen from the opposite direction: if it was discovered that there was a food that could be made from oil, do you really think a dime would be spent in its development?

Oliver Stone's Gordon Gecko said, "Greed works," but the question is, for whom.

It takes a village...

First, read this piece, then come back.

Now, tell yourself — honestly — that you're not horrified by it.

Sure, there's any enormous number of currently horrifying things available to consider (Iraq, Darfur, tornadoes, cyclones, earthquakes, volcanoes, etc.), but this is the horrifying thing I'm considering here, and I am horrified.

Lives are snuffed out to protect the "honor" of a village? How in the world is this honorable? How can this be justified by anyone? What sort of sick mind(s) thought this one up?

Please, don't argue this savage practice should be safe under the rubric of religious freedom. All manner of religious "freedoms" have gone down under the force of societal scrutiny and pressure. Christianity and other religions have been responsible for all manner of horror, but no matter who carries it out, it's still murder and is never justifiable: not state-sponsored murder (i.e., death penalties) and certainly not religiously-sanctioned murder.

If the belief in karma is to be taken seriously, every member of this village will come back as a pregnant woman who falls in love with a man in her village, or as the man who loves her, or as the innocent baby they share.

These ignorant honor murderers can then be victims of honorable murder and allow this absurdly dishonorable cycle to continue.

I'm well aware this proposed outcome is not at all honorable of me, so I'll go on with my day as a sign of respect for the idea of religious freedom, even though, sadly, I'm moved to thoughts of murder, as we might just need freedom from religion as well.

But it takes a village to commit a murder of morality.

Planning for "that day"...

I recently spent a week in Arizona trying to help my mom and my sisters through a hospital stay of my dad's. I'm not sure I was able to do much, but I had a lot of time to think and have concluded a few things that might help others who are reading this with a similar situation now or when "that day" arrives.

Plan Early

As much as you're able, develop a plan for when your parents get old. Most of my contemporaries have already lost their folks, but there are many who haven't. If this means you need to save a bit more money to be able to help them be comfortable, then that's what will need to happen. Figure out who will take care of them. This will require talking with your siblings (if you have them) and coming up with a plan.

Communicate Constantly

If you have siblings, talk with them. Come to as much consensus as you can. Siblings' relationships can be challenging, but a unified front will help when a crisis happens. Talk with your folks as well. Sometimes people don't like to talk about this: it's too much like confronting mortality, but again, having a plan will help and talking about it is the only way to develop that plan. You are advocates for your parents' health care. You have to talk about what's going on.

Don't Fear Doctors

Too many people think MD means Major Diety. Doctors are people who you have to talk to and ask questions. They deal in jargon and will often say things you just don't understand. The best way to gain understanding is to ask questions. You're not questioning them; you're asking questions. Big difference. If you get resistance, keep trying.

Know Your Rights

You have the right to communicate for your parents if your parents are unable to communicate for themselves. You have a right to ask for a second opinion. And patients have rights as well. Know what these are so you can work with health care professionals rather than against them.

Ultimately, it's about your parents, and not about you, doctors, or nurses. Keep this foremost in your mind.

This might all seem like common sense, but the problem is that all too often sense is far too uncommon.

Masters Tournament Prediction...

Tiger will secure the 36-hole lead, will hold off a Saturday charge by Ogilvy and Mickelson, and will go on to win the Masters handily at somewhere between 6 and 9 under... but I could be wrong and frequently am.

April 14th update: Oops... like I said, I'm frequently wrong.

If Tiger had managed to sink even three of those putts he barely missed, we might have a different outcome.

But... congratulations to Trevor Immelman!!!!

Hey Monty!

Until you actually win a golf tournament in the U.S., the U.S. golf world will take you as seriously as they currently do.

I know it's harder to make more birdies than it is to whine and complain, but give it a shot: your golf game will be farther along and you'll get invited to all sorts of events.

No one was ever invited to a tournament for complaining well, but hundreds get invited for playing well.

Affecting one's legacy...

I've been reading lately about President Bush wanting to ensure (and some have used the word "salvage") his legacy via various actions he's taking late in his second term, and it occurred to me that this behavior, this hind-sighted goal, sounds surprisingly familiar.

I teach writing at the university level and my syllabus discusses, among many other things, extra credit. Simply because this topic arises so often led to my need to address it at the semester's outset. Prior to including this in my syllabus, the subject of extra credit was broached toward the end of a semester when some students suddenly (if 16 weeks can be thought of as "sudden") realized their grades might not be what they'd hoped. In fact, I've actually had students tell me, "I had hoped for an 'A'," which I always love hearing because there are a few things I hope for as well, but many more for which I work.

Anyway, as a result of this seemingly surprising development they often ask, "Can I get any extra credit?" My response to them is usually something along the lines of, "Rather than thinking of extra credit after the fact, think instead in terms credit before the fact: in other words, do appropriate work when it counts and receive appropriate credit for that effort."

Perhaps President Bush might have benefited from reading my syllabus sometime in late 2000, so he wouldn't have to worry about extra credit now.

Slazenger's golf ball ads are stupid!

I'm a golfer, but I will never buy a Slazenger golf ball simply because the advertising is so incredibly stupid.

"Made to be pounded?" Are you kidding me? Is that all you could come up with?

A bleeding golf ball might have seemed like a good idea when you were sitting in the conference room with your marketing department and ad company, but it sure doesn't seem like a good idea now.

Here's an idea: try not smoking that fattie before your next marketing meeting. Perhaps the decisions you make won't suck so bad. Sure hope you didn't spend too much money on this ad campaign.

Oops... silly me... of course you didn't.

Slazenger: Made to be avoided!

Deja vu all over again...

Here we go again.

Yet another national election cycle and yet another case of the Democratic candidates tearing each other down to the point that no matter which of them gets the nod for the fall, it will be impossible to overcome the Republican candidate.

Then they'll spend the next four years pointing fingers at one another.

Why do the Democrats do this over and over again? It's pathological. It's insane.

Dear John Daly...

You're much better as a golfer than you are as a drinker.

Golf is not causing you to lose associates. Golf is not affecting your ability to concentrate. Golf has never caused you to miss out on something important in your personal life or professional life. Golf is not giving you the shakes. Golf does not have 150 calories per can. Golf has never caused you to be unable to get out of bed in the morning because of a hangover. Golf is not enlarging your liver or your gut. Golf is not going to kill you.

Dear John Daly... please turn this around.

Please.

Eliot Mess...

...is the new Untouchable.

It's amazing how seemingly smart people do incredibly dumb things.

The higher the pedestal, the farther the fall, I guess.

Note to similar future morons: please don't make your wives stand next to you while you humiliate them.

Snorting vodka?

This is all I'm going to say: are you freaking kidding me!?!?

There would be no point in saying anything more.

Hey Tripp...

...when your golf coach said, "Shoot more birdies," that's not what he meant.

I sure hope what you're saying about this incident is the truth. Otherwise, the black eye you just gave the game of golf will take years to fade away.

And forget the game of golf: if this incident did happen, then you might need to change your name from Tripp to Stumble-and-Fall.

So long Bret...

You completely pissed me off every time you made a big play against my favorite 49ers, and there were many of these, but I always loved watching you play.

Few on that field had more fun.

Thank you.

Spring forward...

What a great time of year.

The artificiality of the daylight savings time date (this year, March 9th) signals the reality of a fresh new season. The gray of winter makes way for the color of spring.

The old gives in to the new.

Cold turns to warm.

Dark to light.

We're done falling back. Let's spring forward.

Handicapping March 4th primaries...

Obama will take Texas and Vermont (and maybe Rhode Island).

Clinton will take Ohio and maybe Rhode Island.

Clinton will stay in the race.

McCain will take it all, but it'll be closer in Texas than he'll like.

But hey... I could be wrong!

Twenty under par...

Lorena Ochoa finished 20 under par, with her nearest competitor, Annika Sorenstam, 11 strokes back.

Yikes.

Watch out LPGA.

Republicans and term limits...

I've recently been trying to figure out why conservative Republicans (and the right-wingnut talk-show hosts who "carry their water") are so against term limits and campaign finance reform.

In doing this research I came across this report. It's fascinating reading regarding the irony of who wants term limits and who doesn't (who is actually making term limits seem like a good idea).

The argument against campaign finance reform seems to be a free-speech issue.

Opponents believe that spending money on a campaign is tantamount to expression, to free speech. People "vote" with their dollars by contributing to their favored candidates; in doing so their individual voices are heard; they have a right to be heard.

Makes perfect sense to me.

What I disagree with is the argument as it applies to organizational contributions, that corporations/organizations can expect the same rights afforded to individuals (what is called, euphemistically, "corporate personhood"). But the truth is, corporations, unions, and other "interested" organizations aren't individuals, aren't real people, per se, so they can't expect to have or to enjoy the rights of an individual, of a real person.

Yes, the employees of corporations are tax-paying voters --- are individuals by any definition of the term --- but the corporations for which they work aren't, so corporations/organizations simply can't expect the same free-speech treatment afforded individuals.

To me it's this simple. (Although this would suggest otherwise.)

As a result, campaign finance reform would not affect the "rights" of corporations/organizations because these entities don't have these rights in the first place. But the individuals who work for these entities would still have their right to free-speech, to vote with their dollars for their candidates of choice, as the constitution clearly indicates they should.

Lorena is back!

Lorena Ochoa is playing in her first tournament of the 2008 LPGA season, and she seems as if she never stopped playing from last season. Thirteen under after two rounds? Yikes!

Either the Tanah Merah Country Club in Singapore is an easy track or she's playing well.

I firmly believe it's the latter. There's little about Lorena's game that's lacking. After a couple of seasons of less-than-stellar performances and some late-round collapses, Lorena seems to have found her stride, and she is recently doing to her competition what Eldrick Woods has been doing to his for years: establishing a dominance that will one day equal --- and possibly rival --- Annika's over the last decade.

Couple Lorena's great golf with a great personality and a captivating smile, and she can't lose. She's a delight to watch play a game, which is, for us mortals at least, the most difficult game ever devised.

Mark my words...

With the passing of the father of the modern conservative movement, William F. Buckley, Jr., just watch: a phalanx of mealy-mouthed, light-weight, right-wing panderers will begin to invoke his name, will begin to tangentially link themselves, their causes, to and with him, and will begin to revise history.

Mr. Buckley was a truly great man, but many of the truly less-than great will illegitimately associate themselves with him, with his legacy.

Mark my words: this happened with Ron Reagan and it'll happen with Bill Buckley.

(No... I'm not saying Reagan was great; I'm saying his legacy has been co-opted and spun mercilessly.)

R.I.P. William F. Buckley Jr...

Agree with him or disagree with him, no one said what he said better. He absolutely defined the words erudite and debate.

The man was wonderful to read and wonderful to hear, and his sense of humor was always present, no matter how much he might disagree with someone.

When your argument was disassembled by Bill, you had been disassembled by the best.

We're only poorer for his absence.

P.S. Here is a good article about the current state of conservatism, a la the current administration.

Step aside, Ann: make room for Bill C...

Conservative talk show host (and apparent right wingnut) Bill Cunningham endorsed John McCain today, but Cunningham was repudiated by McCain for remarks the outspoken radio host has made about Barack Obama.

McCain seems to be trying to take the high road even as those Republicans who hate him, but grudgingly support him because their debilitating partisanship won't let them see things any other way, continue to swim along the bottom. (And there are left wingnuts as well, believe me.)

On Hannity and Colmes tonight, Mr. Cunningham said he was going to follow Ann Coulter's lead and support Hillary Clinton.

With endorsements like these, how can Hillary lose?

And in tonight's Democratic debate, Version 20.0, Barack Obama was asked how he felt about having received an endorsement from Louis Farrakhan, alleged racist and noted anti-Semite. Mr. Obama didn't hesitate to denounce Mr. F's endorsement in strong terms and to distance himself from this guy.

As I've said consistently, it's the extremes and the extremists that'll get you every time.

C'mon Ralph...

...sit this one out.

Please.

Your ego is writing checks your brain can't cash.

I'm definitely NOT Tiger Woods...

I feel privileged to be able to watch Tiger Woods play.

I missed out on the Bobby Jones era, and although I was old enough to have watched Ben Hogan's last tournament win, a six-year old would have a tough time grasping the intricacies of golf. I have seen the likes of Snead, Nelson, Player, Trevino, Nicklaus, and Palmer: all are champions, and all were sensational, even genius golfers.

But then there's Tiger Woods.

I wonder if golfers playing alongside those greats felt somehow slighted that they lived and competed in a time that included such excellent players, and I wonder if golfers now playing alongside Tiger feel something similar, something akin to, "Oh no, not again," or silently breath with relief when they see Tiger is not in a tournament.

I'm only a decent golfer, with maybe a 14 handicap on a good day, but I love golf; I love its elegance and its precision; I love how civilized the sport is and how it requires players to be just as civilized. But I do see the irony in this game. I see how weird it is that in all other sports involving a ball, players have to negotiate that ball as it's moving, and in some cases, moving really fast. But with golf, the ball just sits and waits patiently to be struck: in fact, if the ball moves at all between shots, the golfer could be penalized for it. (And don't even get me started on the clothing choices.)

I also realize that, to many, watching golf is akin to watching lawn furniture, watching clouds, the very paragon of slowness, of sleep-inducing dullness. I get this. But were people simply to watch Tiger for one round, watch what we golfers see, they'd be hooked.

His excellence goes beyond the game, beyond the superlatives reserved for those who went before him. His work ethic is now legendary. He's the Jerry Rice of his field, because to me, at least, Jerry was the essential competitor in his time. Tiger's competitive nature is perhaps captured best in his often-repeated statement, "I just want to beat you." He doesn't give up and he doesn't give in. There is no surrender in him.

Some people think he's too machine-like, that he doesn't smile enough. He smiles. He smiles when he has a reason to smile. When Tiger is on a tournament golf course, he's at work. Would that everyone took their jobs even half as seriously.

He'll probably be the first billion-dollar athlete, which will probably cause many to be repulsed, to roll their eyes, to sigh and say, "Athletes make too much money." Perhaps, but in between the gasps, in between the eye-rolls, if they'd just watch one of Tiger's laser-beam 7-irons, or one of his escapes from a rough-edge jungle with an insanely struck 3-wood, or one of his 25-foot flop shots for which he takes a courageously full swing only to have the ball land like a butterfly with broken legs, or one of his triple-breaking, snake-like putts that roll for 40 feet then hit the cup dead center. Again, and again, and again.

I love when people talk smack about him, and this list is growing: Austin, Sabbatini, Ames, Poulter. I also love watching the result of this smack, which is usually a complete smack-down. But don't get me wrong. He's vulnerable. He sometimes sprays his driver like he's watering flowers, but he always seems to escape, to keep his mistake to one shot. Mike Weir took him down most recently and several others almost have, with the most recent being J. B. Holmes who played well against a struggling Tiger on the first 13 holes, but not well enough against a Tiger who had found his stride in the last five.

This is a rare time indeed, and I would argue that we'll never again see the likes of Tiger Woods, so we need to appreciate what we have while it's here. Sure, someone might come along in the future, some other Tiger-like player might dominate his time, but for now, I'm content seeing Tiger as unique and being thrilled by what I see him do and how he does it: with pure strength, pure determination, and elegant dignity, of which his Dad was so proud.
Like I said, I feel privileged to be able to watch Tiger Woods play.

Oops, I've just plagiarized...

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and we were discussing Ann Coulter. I said that she often seemed like a "nasty, mean-spirited person" who was "relentlessly sarcastic."

Well, I just read the news articles about Barrack Obama being accused of plagiarism by Howard Wolfson (the Clinton Campaign's Communications Director), and it made me realize that in commenting on Ms. Coulter I've plagiarized hundreds (if not thousands) of other people, so I just wanted to turn myself in for this transgression.

What was I thinking.

Sorry.

eBay sellers angry about feedback?

This news story discusses a dust-up between eBay's marketing department and eBay sellers upset about buyers being able to rank sellers in four "hidden" categories, including, among other things, shipping costs and communications.

Fair enough, I guess, but I'd like to know why most eBay sellers don't give immediate positive feedback when a buyer pays for an item immediately — via Paypal or some other means — and why so many eBay sellers never send an email to let buyers know the item shipped. Look, I don't need my hand held and I don't need a tracking number. All I need to know is that the item is on its way: please don't make me guess and come after you to find out if you've shipped it.

Further, immediate deserves immediate. If you're selling something and we pay for it immediately, you should give credit where it's due, and just as immediately.

Instead, what sellers do is play a game and wait for the item to get to the buyer and for the buyer to post feedback, which, if it not positive is met by feedback in kind. Believe me, I think the whole feedback thing needs radical alteration, but until a better system comes along, it is what it is.

To put it in a brick-and-mortar model, if I walk into a store to buy something, I expect to pay for that article before I leave the store (i.e., immediately). If the article I purchased doesn't perform as advertised, I expect to be able to return it with no hassles, I don't expect to be slammed for returning it. It's not my fault the item was substandard, and it's the responsibility of the seller to hold the item's manufacturer accountable, and not the buyer.

Why should eBay sellers work within a different model?

Answer: they shouldn't.

And so, to all eBay sellers, if I buy something from you and I pay for it immediately, you should do the following:

1. Post immediate positive feedback for having received my money,
2. Send the item immediately, and
3. Let me know you've sent the item, by sending me an email, immediately.

Now, don't even get me started on the weenies who require Paypal, but then nail buyers for the measly Paypal fee.

I'm sorry, but I just don't get it...

I just watched the 2008 Grammy Awards Show.

Please... what is the deal with Amy Winehouse?

What's the attraction? Why is a drug addict being glorified like this? What irony. I know good writers write about what they know, but to sing a song about rehab? Gosh. How clever.

A suffering artist. Give me a break. I am really fed up with drug-addicted fools who, having everything to live for and the success that so many far more worthy artists long for and work so hard for, allow their lives to just crumble around them.

Yeah, okay. She's a unique singer. So what. She needs to get help—and she is doing this—but she needs to accept that help, snap the heck out of whatever nosedive she's in, wise up, and realize how fortunate she is.

Perhaps she suffers from depression. If so, that's a huge issue for which she deserves compassion and support.

But if she's just a spoiled freaking junkie, who cares? Really.

Hopefully she will snap out of it and soon be able to sing "yes, yes, yes" instead of "no no, no."

Maybe it's time for the left and right to splinter...

Are you in the right-wing fringe of the Republican Party or in the left-wing fringe of the Democratic Party?

Are you feeling like you're not getting enough love from your party?

Are you feeling like your party is becoming too liberal or too conservative, respectively?

If you answered "yes," I have a suggestion: splinter!

The disgruntled left-wingers can form a new party called the Liberal Party and the dissatisfied right-wingers can form a party called the Conservative Party. This way you can each field candidates who are in sync with your ideological points of view, and you won't have to settle, like the conservative Republicans feel they're having to this time around with John McCain.

This splintering would give a home to folks like Dennis Kucinich on the extreme left and Duncan Hunter on the extreme right. Debates could be held that are appropriate for everyone, no one would be excluded, and all voices would be heard.

We always hear about people being tired of the two-party system, that the two biggest parties are exactly the same. Well, this would spread the political spectrum to its two extremes and would provide platforms for those who feel they're not being represented.

This would by no means neglect the Libertarians or the Greens; they would still have a place at the table, and I would argue they'd have an easier time of it because every party would be smaller and would, therefore, have to work harder to get out its message. The playing field would be more level.

Think about it. It could work. Where's the harm in trying it?

Help! I've awakened in Bizarro World!

I just heard Ann Coulter say on "Hannity and Colmes" (yes, I watch the right-wingers as well) that she would vote for Hillary Clinton if John McCain gets the Republican nomination. She said this. No fooling!

As Scooby Doo would say, "rrrRRRUH?"

What's next? Mr. Mxyzptlk makes a bid for the Independent vote but fails when Ann Coulter writes his name backwards?

Yikes.

Take me back Mr. Wizard.

At last, the real truth...

The audacity of the viral-video "The Audacity of Barack Obama," which has been making the rounds lately, has finally been exposed here.

Since the 2004 campaign, I guess "swiftboating" is here to stay, so it's great to see someone who can take on the waves of B.S.

My hat is way off to obamarama.org... thank you for your diligence!

An idea for a new feast day...

As a former altar boy and a recovering Catholic, I'm always trying to think of ways to help the Catholic Church appeal to its faithful.

I think I've hit on a good idea.

Given the severe over-population in many parts of the world, and given the Church of Rome's stance on birth control, which only serves to exacerbate this situation, my idea would allow the church to alter its stance and promote birth control, yet couch it within the parameters they hold so dear.

So, how about a feast day to support and commemorate the rhythm method?

They could call it the Feast of the Inaccurate Conception.

Sure was an interesting night in politics...

Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards are dropping out of their respective campaign races.

And to think Rudy was way ahead in the polls just a few months ago. Yikes. Will his campaign be viewed by future campaign managers as a great lesson in how not to win?

What caused his drop in the polls? His questionable decision-making while mayor and on the campaign trail? His lackluster campaign style? His cranky-wise-guy-next-door attitude? His tendency to laugh off and smile away direct questions?

Maybe none; maybe all three. But he's gone and will endorse John McCain. Wow. Right-wing pundits will be screaming and screeching in the coming days: Ann, Rush, Laura, Dennis... what hath thou wrought? They just don't like John McCain. Not sure what he's done to piss them off, but they sure don't like the guy. I plan to listen to their radio shows this week (for as long as I can stand) to hear the levels of whining that ensue.

John Edwards is about to be gone as well. This one, for me, is easier to understand: he sounded a single-note message, and this note rang hollow given his wealth and affluence. Yes, he earned it. He worked for it. But for me his proclaiming so loudly is exactly like a pampered rock start singing about his angst. (Please. I got yer angst right here.) Regardless of this, though, I like John Edwards, and I like his wife even more. She's just great, and I wish them both well in their struggle with her health.

I heard it suggested last night that Huckabee might be a choice for McCain's vice-president. I also heard it suggested that Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama need to start making nice so one can be the other's running mate. Yeah... as if. This'll happen on the same day that winged primates seek egress from my anus. No way. Mark my words. Not saying it wouldn't be a great ticket, but I just don't see the egos allowing it to happen.

Another aspect of McCain's unexpected ascendancy is that it'll probably keep Mayor Bloomberg on the sidelines, which could have really messed things up for the Repos, not that they aren't in a bit of disarray already.

But for me, the most interesting thing will be to see if the Democrats can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. With the GOP so fractured, this should be the Demos' year, but their bickering and acrimony might cause moderates and independents to say "see ya later" and head over to McCain.

It sure was an interesting night in politics.

Who would want that job?

It's occurred to me that if Bill Clinton keeps maintaining his high profile in this campaign, who in their right mind would want the VP job?

Seriously... think about it.

Even though no one would admit this, Bill would be like a de facto veep. He might be looking over the shoulder of whomever got the actual job. Who'd want that? I don't even like it when someone watches me type! Second-guessing can be an annoying habit, but second-guessing from the husband of your boss? Yuck.

Just a thought.

Maybe this has been brought up before now, but...

I don't know about anyone else, but I haven't heard anyone in the media mention any discontent on the part of Hillary Clinton's detractors/opponents that the Clinton campaign is being partially funded by taxpayer dollars in the form of Bill Clinton's Secret Service detail.

His constant presence in his wife's campaign — and that his Secret Service detail has to be with him all the time — might cause someone on the Republican side or among the ubiquitous and vocal anti-Clinton folks to have mentioned this as an issue.

Aside from his being a bit callous and stupid with his dalliances during his tenure, I like Bill a great deal, so I really don't care about this; besides, I figure he gets this protection no matter where he is because he's an ex-president, so what does it matter. But like I said, I'm just surprised it hasn't been mentioned by the petty diggers of dirt and rakers of muck.