Help! I've awakened in Bizarro World!

I just heard Ann Coulter say on "Hannity and Colmes" (yes, I watch the right-wingers as well) that she would vote for Hillary Clinton if John McCain gets the Republican nomination. She said this. No fooling!

As Scooby Doo would say, "rrrRRRUH?"

What's next? Mr. Mxyzptlk makes a bid for the Independent vote but fails when Ann Coulter writes his name backwards?

Yikes.

Take me back Mr. Wizard.

At last, the real truth...

The audacity of the viral-video "The Audacity of Barack Obama," which has been making the rounds lately, has finally been exposed here.

Since the 2004 campaign, I guess "swiftboating" is here to stay, so it's great to see someone who can take on the waves of B.S.

My hat is way off to obamarama.org... thank you for your diligence!

An idea for a new feast day...

As a former altar boy and a recovering Catholic, I'm always trying to think of ways to help the Catholic Church appeal to its faithful.

I think I've hit on a good idea.

Given the severe over-population in many parts of the world, and given the Church of Rome's stance on birth control, which only serves to exacerbate this situation, my idea would allow the church to alter its stance and promote birth control, yet couch it within the parameters they hold so dear.

So, how about a feast day to support and commemorate the rhythm method?

They could call it the Feast of the Inaccurate Conception.

Sure was an interesting night in politics...

Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards are dropping out of their respective campaign races.

And to think Rudy was way ahead in the polls just a few months ago. Yikes. Will his campaign be viewed by future campaign managers as a great lesson in how not to win?

What caused his drop in the polls? His questionable decision-making while mayor and on the campaign trail? His lackluster campaign style? His cranky-wise-guy-next-door attitude? His tendency to laugh off and smile away direct questions?

Maybe none; maybe all three. But he's gone and will endorse John McCain. Wow. Right-wing pundits will be screaming and screeching in the coming days: Ann, Rush, Laura, Dennis... what hath thou wrought? They just don't like John McCain. Not sure what he's done to piss them off, but they sure don't like the guy. I plan to listen to their radio shows this week (for as long as I can stand) to hear the levels of whining that ensue.

John Edwards is about to be gone as well. This one, for me, is easier to understand: he sounded a single-note message, and this note rang hollow given his wealth and affluence. Yes, he earned it. He worked for it. But for me his proclaiming so loudly is exactly like a pampered rock start singing about his angst. (Please. I got yer angst right here.) Regardless of this, though, I like John Edwards, and I like his wife even more. She's just great, and I wish them both well in their struggle with her health.

I heard it suggested last night that Huckabee might be a choice for McCain's vice-president. I also heard it suggested that Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama need to start making nice so one can be the other's running mate. Yeah... as if. This'll happen on the same day that winged primates seek egress from my anus. No way. Mark my words. Not saying it wouldn't be a great ticket, but I just don't see the egos allowing it to happen.

Another aspect of McCain's unexpected ascendancy is that it'll probably keep Mayor Bloomberg on the sidelines, which could have really messed things up for the Repos, not that they aren't in a bit of disarray already.

But for me, the most interesting thing will be to see if the Democrats can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. With the GOP so fractured, this should be the Demos' year, but their bickering and acrimony might cause moderates and independents to say "see ya later" and head over to McCain.

It sure was an interesting night in politics.

Who would want that job?

It's occurred to me that if Bill Clinton keeps maintaining his high profile in this campaign, who in their right mind would want the VP job?

Seriously... think about it.

Even though no one would admit this, Bill would be like a de facto veep. He might be looking over the shoulder of whomever got the actual job. Who'd want that? I don't even like it when someone watches me type! Second-guessing can be an annoying habit, but second-guessing from the husband of your boss? Yuck.

Just a thought.

Maybe this has been brought up before now, but...

I don't know about anyone else, but I haven't heard anyone in the media mention any discontent on the part of Hillary Clinton's detractors/opponents that the Clinton campaign is being partially funded by taxpayer dollars in the form of Bill Clinton's Secret Service detail.

His constant presence in his wife's campaign — and that his Secret Service detail has to be with him all the time — might cause someone on the Republican side or among the ubiquitous and vocal anti-Clinton folks to have mentioned this as an issue.

Aside from his being a bit callous and stupid with his dalliances during his tenure, I like Bill a great deal, so I really don't care about this; besides, I figure he gets this protection no matter where he is because he's an ex-president, so what does it matter. But like I said, I'm just surprised it hasn't been mentioned by the petty diggers of dirt and rakers of muck.

It's going to be a bumpy ride...

Please make sure your seat and tray table are in their fully upright position and your seat belt is fastened low and tight around your hips.

Yikes.

Good for Golfweek Magazine...

...they did the right thing.

It's not that I wish to see someone lose a job over this flap, but as Forrest's mother said, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Should be a good game...

The Giants played like they wanted to go to Glendale, Arizona.

The Packers played like they wanted to go to the showers.

I think the best team showered last.

New England and New York... should be a good game!

Golfweek Magazine's cover is worse...

This week's Golfweek Magazine features a noose on it, which is an obvious reference to Kelly Tilghman's unfortunate comment regarding Tiger Woods' effect on the golfing fields in which he plays.

Whose decision was this cover? Did they really think it was a good idea? Golfweek Magazine 's mealy-mouthed, high-falootin' explanation for why it used this cover just doesn't wash, and is specious on its face. Their editor's explanation was anything but "intelligent dialogue." Ms. Tilghman made a bad decision, but Golfweek Magazine made an even worse decision with this cover.

Be honest Golfweek! You wanted to sell copies. There's nothing more to it.

Is there a lack of diversity in golf? Duh! Calvin Peete... Jim Thorpe... Harold Dunovant... Ann Gregory... Charlie Sifford... Pete Brown... Lee Elder. Most people will not recognize these names, but they're just a sampling of the African-American --- professional and amateur --- golfers of note since the 50s who were, at some points in their careers, affected by resistance to their involvement in golf.

Has this lack of diversity, this resistance, been an ingrained, institutionalized issue? Most probably.

But it isn't Kelly Tilghman's fault, and to make this connection is shameless.

To try to correct this issue (if this is really what Golfweek is trying to do) on the back of someone who made a mistake, who apologized for it, and who received acceptance from the offended party, isn't the way to go.

Golfweek Magazine ought to be ashamed of itself, and as an avid golfer, I'll never, ever buy it.

Out on a limb...

I'm going to head out to the end of the limb here and take New England and Green Bay this weekend.

Brady and Favre are just too good this year, plus they would provide the best superbowl matchup. I just couldn't get that enthused with a San Diego-New York game, and although I like New York this year a lot, playing in Green Bay will be tough.

Like I said, I think it'll be the Patriots and the Packers. And, it's supposed to be 8 degrees in Green Bay and 18 degrees in Foxborough.

Too bad I don't bet.

Is it just me, or...?

Is it just me or does Rudy Gulliani sometimes seem like the curmudgeonly next-door neighbor we've all had? He seems more interested in a glib retort than a real answer.

The same could be said for Fred Thompson, but he just seems sort of cranky rather than a wise-guy like Gulliani. Fred sure doesn't act like he wants this thing too much, does he. Although I suppose you could argue that wanting it too much could be a bad thing as well --- a la Hillary Clinton earlier in the campaign.

I sure wish Dennis Kucinich didn't have to marginalize himself the way he does. It's almost pathological. He speaks the truth almost all the time, but he's just so far to the left of the spectrum that it's hard to take him seriously. I couldn't care less that he's seen a UFO; hell, I wish I would see one some day. But he just seems to want to put himself way out at the very hairy edge of the left wing. I love the guy, but he routinely shoots himself in the foot and has proven to have a deadly accurate aim.

Thankfully no one has started in with the "flip-flop" thing this year. That is such a silly argument. All it really means is that someone changed their mind! What's wrong with that? It's good to adjust your world view now and again. What's the point of a rigid, intractable stance merely for its own sake? Show some flexibility. Everybody changes their minds now and again.

Please understand that I'm a moderate, a registered Independent, so I can easily stand on either side of the political fence. My problem is with anyone who is too far out at the extreme wing, left or right. Every election year I get a subscription to "The Nation" and "National Review." This way I can see where both extremes stand on things and can act accordingly.

This really should be an interesting year, though. As long as the serial wing-nuts can stay on the sidelines, right and left, it'll be fun to watch. And I don't care who you vote for, just vote!

Bay Area Sports Writers Running Out of Ways to Describe a Dismal NFL Season

San Francisco, CA: Sports writers in the Bay Area are worried that they're running out of ways to describe just how badly the area's two NFL teams have performed this season. "I really can't think of other words for 'suck'; it's bothering me and affecting my work," said Art Scribbens of the San Francisco Chronicle. And Mr. Scribbens is not alone.

Sports writers representing print and broadcast-media outlets from Sacramento to Salinas have banded together to form a support group with the unwieldy acronym SWIFTBATS, for Sports Writers In Fear Their Bay Area Teams Suck. Their hope is to work together to develop new and more effective verbs and adjectives as they continue to explain to their Bay Area readers and listeners the abject haplessness of the San Francisco 49ers and the Oakland Raiders. SWIFTBATS' cause has received the attention of Random House, publisher of Bantam Roget's Thesaurus, who will donate dozens of their thesauri. Further, California's legislature is considering a bill that would provide a research grant to fund adjectival/verbal development and archival for future bad seasons. “Having a database available will help us stave off future shortages, such as the one in which we find ourselves now,” says Dick Shunnary of the Oakland Tribune.

"As sports writers," explained San Jose Mercury News sports writer Anita Newward, "this really has been a terrible fall for us; we're unable to... to... oh... I just can't find the words," she sobbed. And Ms. Newward’s plight is being felt by television sports anchors who are finding themselves tripping over words and terms they normally have no trouble making up on the spot, such as "escapability," "defensivewise," and "much maligned." "We can't go on like this much longer," opines Channel 5's Mitch Manwhich, "we need to get the word out to everyone who will listen, but we can't find the words to do it: there are only so many ways you can say 'dreadful' and 'horrible' and 'lousy.'"

Bay Area residents are themselves feeling this prosaic pinch, this pejorative paucity. At water coolers all around the San Francisco Bay, sports fans are at a loss for what to say about Sunday's games. "Man, the Niners sure were... were... DAMN!"

It is this Monday-morning scenario, one which is repeating itself again and again, that is precisely the problem SWIFTBATS hopes to address and overcome. We can only hope they're more successful in their endeavors than the area’s NFL teams have been in theirs.

If not, being at a loss for words might become a permanent… um… uhhh… Damn!

(I've been a 49ers fan since the 80s, and remain one, and I'm beside myself at their current state; I wrote this piece in November after their sixth loss in a row. Writing it actually made me feel better.)

Is this thing on?

I've always looked at bloggers as whiny, annoying weenies who just can't let anyone have the last word, or nosy types who want to be in someone else's business and tell tales out of school.

Hopefully I can avoid living up to my historic views and offer something different, although it really is difficult to be different these days. But I'll do my best with it.

I'm doing this as a way to journalize thoughts and ideas I have and to share them with whomever cares to read them. If this appeals to you, great. If not, I'll just keep posting, and maybe something will tickle your fancy. By the way... if anyone can tell me exactly where the "fancy" is located, I'd appreciate knowing.

At some point I'll probably allow comments; however, until I feel comfortable enough with the posting process, I'm going to forgo this feedback feature.

Thank you very much for stopping by.