Sunday, January 10, 2016

Batman vs Superman? Really?

OK. I'd like to suspend disbelief, allow silliness to flow freely, let my mind wander back to a time when I was reading comic books regularly, and consider the upcoming Batman vs Superman film. 

Forget that these are DC Comics characters and DC Comics characters have not fared well in films: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace? The Green Lantern? Really? Jerry Seinfeld loving Superman notwithstanding, what am I missing, here? What's the draw? How can this POSSibly generate any sort of drama? Superman kicks Batman's ass, every time, no contest, end of movie. 

Batman and Superman walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Batman who?
The Batman who gets his ass kicked by Superman, every time.

Batman is a normal human with no super powers, a hardened suit, an off-road vehicle even the US Army rejected, and a Swiss Army-belt full of gadgets. 

Superman is, well, Super. He can fly. He can lift buildings. He can make the earth spin backwards. He can melt things with his eyes, freeze things with his breath, and change clothes faster than you can say, "Does this cape make my butt look big?" 

Wait... did I mention he can fly? 

Batman? He can jump and hang from things. Golly. This would be like Michael Jordan playing H.O.R.S.E. against me. I can spell the word.

Nope. Unless Batman dresses in Kryptonite pajamas and hugs Superman nighty-night, Batman gets his ass kicked and I just don't get it.