Sunday, December 20, 2009

Another unintended consequence of the bad economy?

With unemployment hovering in the 10-plus-percent range and finding jobs as tough as finding diamonds in your driveway, the 12-plus alleged mistresses of golfer Tiger Woods are having an equally difficult time finding gainful employment and recompense as a result of their alleged notoriety: there appears to be a glut in the jilted gal-pal market.

Daytime and primetime airwaves are choked with celebrity talk shows, and reality shows are barely able to manage a full season let alone the multi-season renewals they all seek. Tabloid media outlets are falling all over themselves trying to keep up with the seemingly endless stream of Jezebels de jour clamoring for media dollars and mass attention. Nancy Grace is positively breathless with feigned indignation and smugness.

Telling all, publicly admitting you have no ethics or morals, is proving to be a growth industry, but all these Dupre-wanna-be's can't seem to stay out of one another's way, let alone their own, when it comes to realizing gain from their alleged pain.

"What? You claim to have had an affair with a famous person? Get in line. An attorney, an agent, and a publicist will be with you shortly. Slick operators are standing by."

Of course the
attorneys, agents, and publicists representing these clueless climbers will do well, but the gravy trains on which they intend to travel are in danger of derailment. When that happens, what will these women use as previous employment on their unemployment forms? Professional parasite? Alleged mistress? Jilted lover?

Maybe one reality show with all of them competing against each other would be the answer. It could be called "Survivor : Island of the Shameless" or "Tiger's Trollops" or "Babes in Skankland." Whatever it's called, though, it appears no one is safe from this skid in the economy.

Yes, Tiger does seem to have behaved stupidly and insensitively and, if proven true, he will pay for his behavior in ways no one has yet considered. But profiting from someone else's stupidity, someone else's mistakes, seems to be the real growth industry here, albeit one that's still in search of a payout.

We should all be happy we won't have to watch Elin Woods standing silently by her husband as he apologizes; we've seen way too much of that humiliation in the last several years. Thankfully, so far, Mrs. Woods seems to have too much class for that to happen. If only this sort of classiness was the growth industry, but it'll never happen; it'll never sell anywhere near as well as shamelessness and greed seem to do.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Lieberman by any other name...

Senator Joseph Lieberman (I, CT) is offended at being castigated by those who believe he's a pouting obstructionist dickh3@d, an obedient and sycophantic slave to his insurance industry masters, who is intent on stopping real health care reform via his constant adolescent whining, childish foot stomping, and prima donna posturing.

Senator Lieberman feels strongly that the term dickh3@d is improperly ascribed.


You're a
pouting obstructionist, an obedient and sycophantic slave to your insurance industry masters, who is intent on stopping real health care reform via your constant adolescent whining, childish foot stomping, and prima donna posturing.

You're right, Senator, that sounds much better. Thanks!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

"There" is a better way...

After reading several online articles in the last few weeks in which the authors misused one or another of the homonyms "there/their/they're," I'd like to offer the following mnemonic to aid remembering the three forms:

"They're in their car over there."

If you keep this sentence in mind, you'll never again confuse "they're," the contraction for"they are," with "their," the possessive form of "they," with "there," which indicates a place or position.

Friday, December 11, 2009