Saturday, November 21, 2009

Way to go Lobos!

29-27... what a nice way to say "thank you" to the Class of 2010 seniors!

Thirty-nine Nope-ublicans said "nope."

The vote tonight was 60 to 39.

Thirty-nine people said "no" to the millions without health insurance.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Pats and Colts Haikus...

Belichick's gamble
Seemed like a good idea
Payton made him pay.

After one point down
The Hoodie had a nightmare
Manning was in it.

The Pats are not fools
But their coaches fooled them once
They won't fool them twice.

New England at Indy
Both teams played their toughest game
Indianapolis won.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

Human group names...

Just as the animal kingdom has all manner of cool names for groups of its inhabitants, I'd like to think the human kingdom has similar monikers. But sadly, this is not the case.

Animals have a murder of crows, a business of ferrets, an implausibility of gnus (no, really), a mutation of thrush, a caravan of camels, a coalition of chitas, and a bite of midges. Here is a complete list.

Sadly, however, all we seem to have is a group of people.

So, I'd like to correct this and suggest some names that describe the various human groups (and human types) that populate the planet.

Here is a partial list:

  • A putter of golfers
  • A badge of policeman
  • A blaze of fireman
  • A shock of electricians
  • A basin of plumbers
  • A deck of gamblers
  • A measure of musicians
  • A jiggle of joggers (thanks S and N!)
  • A batch of bakers
  • A podium of politicians
  • An orbit of astronauts
  • An break of psychotics
  • A right of conservatives
  • A left of liberals
  • A cup of Tea Partiers
  • A shout of talk-radio hosts
  • A disorder of neurotics
  • An opinion of pundits
  • A lesson of teachers
  • A pucker of a$$holes

Canada launches "Stop the Leakage!"

Canada's well documented "brain drain" saw talented and creative academics, researchers, and engineers leave Canada to take jobs in the US. And although this decade-long outflow has slowed somewhat due to the US economy (as well as to overt efforts by the Canadian government to staunch it) a consistent trickle persists.

To counter this, Canada's Ministry of Super-Double-Secret Reverse-Counter-Demagoguery and Abundantly Redundant Superfluities (
or MSDSRCDARS, pronounced, miss-diss-rack-dars) has come up with a covert plan, called "Stop the Leakage!" that might not only stop the leakage, but that just might reverse the flow completely, thereby bringing thousands if not millions back to the Great White North in droves (although the US is currently suffering a drove shortage due to outsourcing and materials issues).

The MSDSRCDARS is actively supporting a Palin-Bachmann presidential ticket for the 2012 US presidential election. This effort was brought about as the result of hearing reports of a recent comment made by Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R, Minnesota) who, in response to the question "does Minnesota see Canada as an ally," said "I'm not sure, but I see Canada from my porch."

Frightened half to death by her relative proximity, officials at the
MSDSRCDARS , who declined to be identified because they always wanted to be able to say "we decline to be identified," came up with their plan and said their hope is to, "scare the bejesus out of those rational Americans who see a Palin-Bachmann ticket as a direct path to a living Hell right here on Earth."

Although with this effort the
MSDSRCDARS admits it is working somewhat outside its normal scope, these same officials are confident they can achieve "a win-win by scaring Canadians back to Canada and by getting Obama elected for a second term." (Editor's Note: There is documented evidence of Canadian meddling in the past, both in the form of conspiracies and plots to invade the US.)

After they succeed with this project (pronounced "prō-ject"), their next one is to develop a working definition of "bejesus," but more importantly to see that the expression "win-win" is "never again used by anyone, anywhere" and they have, in fact, issued a public apology for its use here. The
MSDSRCDARS will also be finding a new name for their ministry as they say their printing and ink costs have gone through the roof.

We wish them luck with their
prōject... um... project.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The GOP's 2012 Presidential Ticket

Mark my words.

Here's the link to Citizenship and Immigration Canada.

Operators are standing by.

Lou Dobbs' ego seeks to stay on at CNN...

Although Lou Dobbs will be leaving CNN after being released from his contract, his ego is requesting permission to be kept on at CNN so that up-and-coming actors turned opinion journalists can learn from the very best. But because Mr. Dobbs has allowed his ego to run unfettered at CNN for so many years, this might not prove a workable option.

Interestingly enough, though, just after announcing his departure from CNN, and his ego's request to remain, Mr. Dobbs mouth has now asked for a release from its contract to speak for Mr. Dobbs; however, Mr. Dobbs' mouthpiece denied his mouth's request, saying Mr. Dobbs will do what he can to put a sock in it.

Then, when asked what he might be considering as a
post-CNN career, Mr. Dobbs' mouth wrote a large check that his ego just couldn't cash, so at this point it's not clear what the future holds for Mr. Dobbs, for his ego, for his mouth, or for this hyper-extended metaphor.

But until Mr. Dobbs' ego allows him to pull his head from his a$$, his mouth will be unavailable for comment.

The end times are certainly near...

Sean Hannity apologizes for his rally-video gaff! Of course he said it was a screw-up, and of course this certainly is possible, but he did apologize and that had to be tough for him, in all honesty. And I'm fairly certain the Daily Show staffer who watched your show, Sean, needed a shower afterward.

But kudos to you!

Now maybe it's time to apologize for this "incorrect video." You're supposedly a journalist, after all; this is not Fractured Flickers! You can't just patch together various vignettes to suit your position. (Oops I guess you actually can do this because you did.)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

No, not really.

So long Lou: we hardly knew you.

I'm sure you'll land on your feet... after falling flat on your face.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Did Hannity show fake video of Michele Bachmann's "press conference?"

On the Daily Show tonight, Jon Stewart exposed a trick Sean Hannity might have tried to pull last night on his show by showing supposed video of last week's anti-health care bill "press conference" on the steps of the Capitol Building, but which was actually a video clip from Glenn Beck's 9/12 rally in September.

The proof Jon Stewart offered was that the first portion of the Hannity video showed a September day in Washington, replete with full-Autumn colors and a clear blue sky, while the remainder of the clip showed green trees whose color had clearly not yet turned, and an overcast sky.

Regarding how this might have happened, the only things I can think are, (A) the Hannity staffer responsible for cueing the tape screwed up and "accidentally" showed the wrong video clip, or (B) the Hannity show intentionally
tried to deceive viewers by making Michele Bachmann's "press conference" (a.k.a. tea party rally) appear better attended than it actually was.


If it turns out to be the latter, this would be a serious breach of journalistic ethics and not at all in keeping with Fox News' slogans of "we report you decide" and "fair and balanced," and would do little to dispel the growing notion that Hannity is nothing but a PR shill for right-wing causes, as he demonstrated in this feeble attempt to offer doctored, badly edited video as "proof" of Cuba's dismal health care.

Sean... really. I thought even you were above this. So what do you think you'll do after you get fired from Fox News? Used car sales would probably be a perfect fit for you, but the protests from used-car salesman everywhere would probably preclude your getting the job.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Uh, oh...

Looks like little Eric might be in for a spanking when America's Anchorman finds out about this gaff.

Mr. Cantor better practice saying "I'm sorry Mr. Limbaugh," because that's exactly what he'll be doing in less than 48 hours, just as Misters Sanchez, Gingrey, Sanford, and Steele had to do.

They all learned you don't hush the Rush.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Right vs Left Revisited...

When are cable news shows going to drop the tired left-versus-right "punch-counterpunch" discussion theme?

not a discussion. It's a pointless exercise that all too often results in a shouting match. Nothing is ever resolved. Nothing new ever comes to light. Neither side relents its narrow, self-interested POV.

Both combatants (a.k.a. guests) yell, but neither one can hear what the other is saying, even if this truly
were the goal of the show's host, which it isn't.

This tired theme just doesn't add to the public discourse. It's subjective, combative, and just plain stupid.

Yesterday, former Republican congressman Tom Tancredo was a guest on MSNBC's "The Ed Show" along with Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos. During their shouting match, Mr. Moulitsas launched an ad hominem toward Mr. Tancredo (who, to be fair, launches plenty of these himself), at which Mr. Tancredo became incensed, demanded an apology, and walked off camera and off the show when he realized an apology wasn't forthcoming.

Who benefited from this exchange? What good came of it? Which side won this "debate?" How was the public discourse aided in any way? The answers are no one, nothing, neither, and not at all.

The real answer to who won is "ratings," because here we are talking about it, and you just
know it'll be the lead on other news shows on Sunday and Monday. The left will automatically support Moulitsas and the right will automatically support Tancredo.

Big surprise.


I feel so much better now.

Please... cable news producers... stop this absurd left-right baiting, stop inviting each fringe's attack dogs, and simply invite people with whom your host can have a discussion.

Rachel Maddow, as an example, knows how to do this. Rachel has a strong progressive bias; she freely admits this. But she invites people with opposing views and when they agree to appear, she has civil exchanges with them. They both can disagree, but they'll neither yell at one another nor abuse one another. (Bill... Sean... you listening?)

Civility is the real victim, and these staged right-left dust-ups do nothing to counter this trend.

Cut it out. You're grownups. Behave yourselves.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

File under U, for unbe-freaking-lievable!


You need a license to drive, a license for your dogs, your cats, but any idiot can have children.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Right v Left, as usual, but with a twist...

Much will be made today by the right about the gubernatorial wins in Virginia and New Jersey, but I think the far larger story is in the 23rd District of NY.

Look, New Jersey's incumbent Corzine didn't endear himself to too many people, on the right or on the left, so his demise isn't a shocker. And if you consider that Virginia typically votes for the party not in the Whitehouse, and has done this for decades, the win there isn't a shocker either; it's just cyclical.

But if you consider that Dede Scozzafava, a Republican, dropped out of the 23rd District race and supported the Democratic candidate, and that the furthest right among Rightublicans (Palin, Limbaugh, Bachmann, Hannity, et al.) didn't support her as their own party's candidate, you have the real story.

The right-wingnuts threw their support behind the human dynamo Doug Hoffman, who doesn't live in the district and who... wait for it... isn't even a Republican! Nope. Mr. Hoffman is a member of the Conservative Party of New York State, a party that thinks the Republicans are left-leaning wussies.

It's what happened in upstate New York that puts into stark relief the fractures that exist within the Republican Party.

If there are people who can make Newt Gingrich seem like a reasonable, moderate guy, then the Repos have a real schism to deal with. Sure, they will no doubt spin what happened to Mr. Hoffman, but, in truth, the Dems would have spun a loss in the 23rd as well, so is
Bill Owens the best man for the job?

I have no clue and that's not the point.

point is that the farthest-right fringe of the Republican Party is about to cut off the more-moderate-portion-of-the-party's nose to spite its arch-conservative face, and it's going to be fun to watch.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Asking Merriam-Webster's to revise a definition...

I'd like to ask Merriam-Webster's Dictionary to revise their definition of "smarmy" by adding this photograph... a clear example of what the word means.

But don't take my word for this. All you have to do is realize this guy said "I don't recall" (or things similar to it) a total of 72 times in his 2004 interview with the FBI.

Seventy two!

He didn't recall!? Are you kidding me!? Was he suddenly demented?

I don't think so, but I'll just bet that Representative Joe Wilson (R. SC) knows the correct word to use for what Dick is.

Hey... maybe if the FBI water-boarded him he'd come clean, but I almost forgot: Dick doesn't think it's torture so it wouldn't work on him.

Man, if anyone could make Dubya seem like a sympathetic character, it's Dick.

Please cash a sanity check...

Read this article, and then please explain to me why we and other countries have our men and women over there risking their well being, losing their limbs and their lives, when these knuckleheaded chowderheads can't even run their own %$#@ing country?

If this
isn't an enormous waste of lives, money, time, and energy, please show me what is.

President Obama just can't win...

Today, President Obama...
  • Sneezed into a Kleenex and was accused by the Rightublicans of not recycling
  • Sang in the shower and was accused of being a little flat and a little sharp
  • Played tennis with the First Lady and was accused of misogyny for not letting her win
  • Went for a walk and was accused of not supporting the auto industry by driving
  • Ate White House garden vegetables and was accused of not supporting the grocery industry
  • Burped up some radish and was accused of air pollution
  • Received his H1N1 shot and was accused of denying it to someone who was actually born here
  • Did not criticize Fox News and was accused of not paying enough attention to them
  • Listened to Rush Limbaugh's radio program and was accused of spying
  • Used a personal check to buy some new shoes and was accused of exacerbating the credit crisis
  • Broke a little wind and was accused of contributing to global warming
  • Turned up the heat in the Oval Office and was accused of hogging all the natural gas
  • Tried to give the Nobel Prize back and was accused of disrespecting the nominating committee
  • Thanked Olympia Snowe for her vote and was accused of favoring L.L. Bean over Eddie Bauer, and...
  • Dog-sat a friend's Boston, Jack Russell, and Airedale and was accused of palling around with terrierists