Canada launches "Stop the Leakage!"

Canada's well documented "brain drain" saw talented and creative academics, researchers, and engineers leave Canada to take jobs in the US. And although this decade-long outflow has slowed somewhat due to the US economy (as well as to overt efforts by the Canadian government to staunch it) a consistent trickle persists.

To counter this, Canada's Ministry of Super-Double-Secret Reverse-Counter-Demagoguery and Abundantly Redundant Superfluities (or MSDSRCDARS, pronounced, miss-diss-rack-dars) has come up with a covert plan, called "Stop the Leakage!" that might not only stop the leakage, but that just might reverse the flow completely, thereby bringing thousands if not millions back to the Great White North in droves (although the US is currently suffering a drove shortage due to outsourcing and materials issues).

The MSDSRCDARS is actively supporting a Palin-Bachmann presidential ticket for the 2012 US presidential election. This effort was brought about as the result of hearing reports of a recent comment made by Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R, Minnesota) who, in response to the question "does Minnesota see Canada as an ally," said "I'm not sure, but I see Canada from my porch."

Frightened half to death by her relative proximity, officials at the MSDSRCDARS , who declined to be identified because they always wanted to be able to say "we decline to be identified," came up with their plan and said their hope is to, "scare the bejesus out of those rational Americans who see a Palin-Bachmann ticket as a direct path to a living Hell right here on Earth."

Although with this effort the MSDSRCDARS admits it is working somewhat outside its normal scope, these same officials are confident they can achieve "a win-win by scaring Canadians back to Canada and by getting Obama elected for a second term." (Editor's Note: There is documented evidence of Canadian meddling in the past, both in the form of conspiracies and plots to invade the US.)

After they succeed with this project (pronounced "prō-ject"), their next one is to develop a working definition of "bejesus," but more importantly to see that the expression "win-win" is "never again used by anyone, anywhere" and they have, in fact, issued a public apology for its use here. The MSDSRCDARS will also be finding a new name for their ministry as they say their printing and ink costs have gone through the roof.

We wish them luck with their prōject... um... project.