AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Ok, read this and then repeat after me... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

These people are not kidding.

These people are allowed to vote.

Hell, these people have the capacity (and let's be fair, the right) to reproduce.

I guess the dark ages are making a comeback.

I'll say it again... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Who is entitled to what?

This is about Tiger Woods; stop now if you couldn't care less.

Tiger keeps talking about how he felt entitled, how his fame and power led him to feel as if he deserved to act the way he did. He claims he is in the process of learning his lesson, and I believe he deserves a chance to prove that he is learning it.

But there is a new sense of entitlement being demonstrated by members of the mainstream media and the sports press who are pissed that they're not being granted these interviews. These folks believe they're somehow... gulp... entitled to (A) receive an interview, and, more importantly, (2) know the details of what Tiger Woods insists on telling them are personal details that are between him and his wife.

But no one, not one person, has made anywhere close to a compelling argument as to why they or anyone deserve, are entitled, to know personal, private details.

In other words, all these media "experts" want is "the scoop." This is what is at the heart of this whole thing: who gets the story. This is what our fast-food-media culture feeds on: the titillation factor, dishing the dirt, spilling the beans, knowing the inside story, getting the gritty gory details.

So, then, who is really entitled to what, here?

That's easy. Tiger is entitled to keep private details private, and no one outside him, his wife, and eventually his children, is entitled to this information. Get up off the guy and move on.

As a test, all anyone has to do is ask, "What would I do if I were in this situation? Would I want to share probably embarrassing and possibly humiliating aspects or would I want to keep these aspects private? Would anyone else be entitled to know those details?"

We all know how we'd answer, and we all would be perfectly entitled to feel this way.

Richard A. Short...

Now here is the very definition of career criminal and irony: Mr. Richard A. Short.

If jerks like this guy would only apply half the energy and creativity they expend being douche bags on doing something good, wow, what a world. But instead, they insist on being douche bags.

Maybe they're just compensating for something.

Hmmm... do you think?

"Sir, yes sir! A. Short, Dick reporting for prison, sir!"

Yup... definitely compensating.

Things I'll never say...

I know, never say "never," but I'm pretty sure these things I'll never say are a lock...

• "Honey! Meryl Streep's on the phone!"
• "I'm going to skip the Master's this year and play the tournament in Portugal."
• "I can completely understand why you'd want a tarantula for a pet."
• "Welcome to the first day of class. You all get an A+, now please leave."
• "Let's see, 260 uphill to the hole and a one-club headwind: hand me my 3-iron."
  
• "Off with their heads!"
• "Honey? Please pass the blood pudding."
  
• "I can see my house from the 18th at Spyglass."
• "I spent this morning rigging an anti-matter converter. We might have a chance after all."
  
• "Release the Kraken!"
  
• "My last gig at The Beacon Theater was a good one."
• "Objection, your honor! Move to strike as non-responsive!"
  
• "Gosh... those Cheneys sure are a bunch of kidders."
• "I wish the NBA season could be longer."
• "Do you have any recordings of people singing scat?"
• "Do you have any recordings of Yoko Ono singing scat?"
  
• "Good evening Tokyo! We love you!"
• "Not tonight. I have a headache."
• "See that mountain? I'm going to climb it."
  
• "Wait a minute! Glenn Beck just might be on to something here."
• "I can't talk now. My pet lion just mauled its trainer."
• "Man oh man, do I love long bass solos."
• "When not bound to an atom, an electron's energy is no longer quantized, but like any other massive particle it displays a Compton Wavelength! Jeez, are you stupid. or what?"
  
• "Menudo or sweetbreads... menudo or sweetbreads... I just can't decide."
  
• "Vex me not or know my wrath."
• "Gee, I wonder what's on 'Survivor' tonight?"
  
• "Buy 100,000 shares of BP!"
• Anything that ends with "stat!"
  
• "I can't stay out too late. I have an early meeting at the White House."
• "To maintain forever the God-given supremacy of the white race."
• Anything that begins or ends with "People of Earth..." or "Boy!"
• "I wonder if Rosetta Stone has a Na'vi feature."
  
• Anything that ends with "...goes great with anchovies" or "...goes fabulously in this space."
• "Could we do another take of that scene? I know I can nail it."
• "This haggis is so much better cold."
• "I'm a bit uncertain about that Heisenberg fellow."
  
• "I simply haven't got a thing to wear."
  
• "Mr. Speaker! The President of the United States!"
• "This new Yanni album is the bomb!"
  
• "Wow... my Grammy sure is heavier than my Emmy."
• "Did you hear that?!? You take the pistol and wait here. I'll go into the basement to see what it was."
  
• "Please put my tennis sweater in the Bugatti."
• Anything that begins with "Bring me the head of..." or ends with "...my new BFF."
  
• "Yes, I promise not to re-gift the Beyonce CD."
  
• "You're fired."
• "I sure wish I lived in Minnesota so I could vote for Michelle Bachmann."
• "I sure wish I lived in Wisconsin so I could vote for Governor Walker."
  
• "I think Amy Winehouse is a genius."
• "George W. Bush really was a better president than people thought."
• "The supreme court got Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission exactly right."
• "Let's see... No. 13 at Augusta National... hmmm... oh yeah, that was driver, 8 iron."
• "Kate Beckinsale should never wear black leather body suits. Not ever! Yuck!"
  
• "Quick! Hand me my elephant gun!"
• "Wow, this crystal meth sure is tasty!"
• "A white belt is an acceptable accessory."
  
• "I just love the view from the Moon."
• "I wish Stephen King could write longer books."
  
• "Damn! I knew I shouldn't have ordered dinner in Klingon!"
  
• "That will be all, you're dismissed."
• "Two tickets to the UFC match, please."
  
• "Of course you're happy being a Scientologist. Who wouldn't be?"
  
• "First, I have to thank the academy."
• "I really do respect how kind and thoughtful Ms. Coulter has been on this matter."
  
• "Honey! Did you see my platinum Tag Heuer?"
• "I wouldn't have handed you the damn 5-iron if I didn't think you could get there, Tiger!"
• "What do mean Meryl Streep's on the phone?"

...to be continued.

Welcome back...

Hey Tiger, welcome back to golf and remember that the first rule of the golf swing is to keep your head down.

Don't forget to keep your head down, Tiger, because the sports press and the media are already trying to take it off.

Anything but "Free"...

Avoid like a plague Freecreditreport.com, regardless of their "hip" ads. They are anything but "free."

They advertise that you can access information you are entitled by law to access, they call themselves "Freecreditreport" (note the word "Free" in the name), then they charge you for the privilege of membership giving you one of three reports for free (this is the way they get around it; "freecreditreport" singular, as in one) and charging you for the other two. Only after you register via a somewhat confusing process do you see a message that tells you that truly free (as in no charge whatsoever) credit reports can be had via another organization not affiliated with them.

What's that odor you ask? You say it smells like bait and switch to you?

I made the "free" mistake, but I won't make it again.

I'll go to annualcreditreport.com instead.

They just need to shut up...

On both sides of the political isle, the most extremely partisan ends of both fringes just need to shut up!

On any given issue we all know what position they'll take and, therefore, what they'll say about it, so... why do they need to say it? Answer: they don't need to say it.

As far as getting anything done is concerned, they don't do anything worthwhile (aside from keeping dust off of chairs), so they can just shut the hell up and let more reasonable people speak, people who might actually have some interest in being fair-minded, positive, and conciliatory in doing work that matters.

Examples of the partisan hacks who need to learn to zip it are way too easy to find. They are the folks who will take a completely partisan, hard party-line position on every issue, regardless of its merits, its shadings, its subtleties, or its nuance, and they'll usually couch what they say within some quasi-nationalistic ("it's patriotic") framework. Cutting off our noses in spite of their faces is what they do best.

We would all be much better off if they just remained silent and allowed the reasonable people to speak, the people who sincerely want to advance what's good and proper and who only wish to speak with one another rather than always having to be the ones to speak at or over everyone else.

These biased bozos just need to drink a nice hot cup of shut the hell up, sit on the sidelines, and let the real work get done, because they certainly aren't doing any work by constantly flapping their lamely partisan lips.

And the media folk who flock to these fools as if they actually have something new and amazing to say need to stick to covering the real work that is can actually get done well between and within the two fringes.

Wow... I really do feel so much better for ranting, so now I'll shut up.

Name game...

Is...

• Retief Goosen
• Janet Yellen
• Christopher Walken
  
• Helen Reddy
• John Wooden
• Bobby Knight
• Otis Day
• Alonso Mourning
• Jim Rome
• Phillip Glass
• Natalie Wood
• Marvin Gaye
• Barry White
• Bobby Blue Bland
• Al Green
• Jim Brown
• Clint Black
• Phyllis George
• Jon Stewart
  
• Lowell George
• Dave Barry
• Andy Dick
• Daniel Craig
• Luke Donald
• Vince Gill
• Anthony Kim

...to be continued.
Hey! I had some free time.

Ari F-F-F-F-F-F-Fleischer?

Various sports writers are reporting that Tiger Woods' camp is hiring (or has hired) Ari Fleischer (Dubya's first press secretary) to help with Woods' PR during his return to golf.

WHAT?!?

Are they kidding?

If there's anyone who can drive the last coffin nail into Tiger Woods' career, it's Ari-Freaking-Fleischer.

What a tool this guy is! He's the kiss of death for anyone's credibility. Even his own.

Say it ain't so Tiger; say it ain't so.

UPDATE, 3/21: Ari Fleischer has withdrawn his services from the Tiger Woods inner circle because he feels his presence is having the opposite effect. I have to say it: good for you Ari, good for you.

Dennis Kucinich will Oppose Obama in 2012...

I like Dennis. He's a smart guy who, I think, honestly speaks from his heart.

Sometimes he is way too far left for me, but I do like Dennis a great deal. His politics and positions are consistent and always clear. I respect him for this. You always know where Dennis stands. Always. He seems like a good man and shouldn't be maligned by anyone for his beliefs, because he always speaks so honestly and forthrightly. Remember, Dennis was one of the first people to come out for universal health care, which would be the most meaningful "public option" possible, and remains one of its staunchest defenders. Full stop. No "buts" here.

This said, you watch: he's running for president again in 2012 and is setting himself up for it with his Afghanistan vote today and with the "Nay" vote he'll cast for the health care bill when the senate version comes to a vote in the house in preparation for the proposed budget reconciliation changes.

Yup... Dennis will force a presidential primary and pull his own version of a Nader-v-Gore a la November 2000. Mark my words. I could be wrong, sure, but mark my words.

Name change for the Democrats...

I said a couple of weeks ago that I thought the Democrats are pussies. I'd like to amend that; the Democrats are pussies who are about to demolish themselves as a force for change.

If they continue on as they have, the losses they're going to suffer in the 2010 mid-term elections will be record setting in every respect and they'll have only themselves to blame for it. So far they've failed with any sort of bank and financial regulation reform, worthwhile mortgage reform, or meaningful health insurance reform for those who need it.

Demos! You have the majority; ACT like it!

You're behaving like complete morons, whiners, and, yes, pussies, you'll earn the crushing losses you'll suffer in the fall elections, and you'll truly become Demolitiocrats, deserving of having your a$$es handed to you in November.

Something's brewing in the Tea Party's tea pot...

OK, let's see if I have this straight.

John McCain is a moderate Republican who acts like a conservative when it's politically expedient to do so.

He's being opposed for his four-term senate seat by J.D. Hayworth, a conservative Republican, who is, according to Politico.com, the "supposed darling" of his Arizona's Tea Partiers and who is claiming their support. But, Arizona's four Tea Parties aren't endorsing anyone in that race, and that includes Hayworth and McCain (of whom the AZ TPs are absolutely no fans).

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin, yet another conservative Republican, who recently spoke at the Tea Party Convention and who unabashedly bashed the McCain campaign in her 2009 book, "Going Rogue," is endorsing, appearing with, and raising funds for John McCain.

Yikes. What a mess.

Someone left the Kool-Aid alone and is drinking the tea.