Sunday, December 20, 2009

Another unintended consequence of the bad economy?

With unemployment hovering in the 10-plus-percent range and finding jobs as tough as finding diamonds in your driveway, the 12-plus alleged mistresses of golfer Tiger Woods are having an equally difficult time finding gainful employment and recompense as a result of their alleged notoriety: there appears to be a glut in the jilted gal-pal market.

Daytime and primetime airwaves are choked with celebrity talk shows, and reality shows are barely able to manage a full season let alone the multi-season renewals they all seek. Tabloid media outlets are falling all over themselves trying to keep up with the seemingly endless stream of Jezebels de jour clamoring for media dollars and mass attention. Nancy Grace is positively breathless with feigned indignation and smugness.

Telling all, publicly admitting you have no ethics or morals, is proving to be a growth industry, but all these Dupre-wanna-be's can't seem to stay out of one another's way, let alone their own, when it comes to realizing gain from their alleged pain.

"What? You claim to have had an affair with a famous person? Get in line. An attorney, an agent, and a publicist will be with you shortly. Slick operators are standing by."

Of course the
attorneys, agents, and publicists representing these clueless climbers will do well, but the gravy trains on which they intend to travel are in danger of derailment. When that happens, what will these women use as previous employment on their unemployment forms? Professional parasite? Alleged mistress? Jilted lover?

Maybe one reality show with all of them competing against each other would be the answer. It could be called "Survivor : Island of the Shameless" or "Tiger's Trollops" or "Babes in Skankland." Whatever it's called, though, it appears no one is safe from this skid in the economy.

Yes, Tiger does seem to have behaved stupidly and insensitively and, if proven true, he will pay for his behavior in ways no one has yet considered. But profiting from someone else's stupidity, someone else's mistakes, seems to be the real growth industry here, albeit one that's still in search of a payout.

We should all be happy we won't have to watch Elin Woods standing silently by her husband as he apologizes; we've seen way too much of that humiliation in the last several years. Thankfully, so far, Mrs. Woods seems to have too much class for that to happen. If only this sort of classiness was the growth industry, but it'll never happen; it'll never sell anywhere near as well as shamelessness and greed seem to do.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Lieberman by any other name...

Senator Joseph Lieberman (I, CT) is offended at being castigated by those who believe he's a pouting obstructionist dickh3@d, an obedient and sycophantic slave to his insurance industry masters, who is intent on stopping real health care reform via his constant adolescent whining, childish foot stomping, and prima donna posturing.

Senator Lieberman feels strongly that the term dickh3@d is improperly ascribed.


You're a
pouting obstructionist, an obedient and sycophantic slave to your insurance industry masters, who is intent on stopping real health care reform via your constant adolescent whining, childish foot stomping, and prima donna posturing.

You're right, Senator, that sounds much better. Thanks!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

"There" is a better way...

After reading several online articles in the last few weeks in which the authors misused one or another of the homonyms "there/their/they're," I'd like to offer the following mnemonic to aid remembering the three forms:

"They're in their car over there."

If you keep this sentence in mind, you'll never again confuse "they're," the contraction for"they are," with "their," the possessive form of "they," with "there," which indicates a place or position.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Way to go Lobos!

29-27... what a nice way to say "thank you" to the Class of 2010 seniors!

Thirty-nine Nope-ublicans said "nope."

The vote tonight was 60 to 39.

Thirty-nine people said "no" to the millions without health insurance.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.
Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Pats and Colts Haikus...

Belichick's gamble
Seemed like a good idea
Payton made him pay.

After one point down
The Hoodie had a nightmare
Manning was in it.

The Pats are not fools
But their coaches fooled them once
They won't fool them twice.

New England at Indy
Both teams played their toughest game
Indianapolis won.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

Human group names...

Just as the animal kingdom has all manner of cool names for groups of its inhabitants, I'd like to think the human kingdom has similar monikers. But sadly, this is not the case.

Animals have a murder of crows, a business of ferrets, an implausibility of gnus (no, really), a mutation of thrush, a caravan of camels, a coalition of chitas, and a bite of midges. Here is a complete list.

Sadly, however, all we seem to have is a group of people.

So, I'd like to correct this and suggest some names that describe the various human groups (and human types) that populate the planet.

Here is a partial list:

  • A putter of golfers
  • A badge of policeman
  • A blaze of fireman
  • A shock of electricians
  • A basin of plumbers
  • A deck of gamblers
  • A measure of musicians
  • A jiggle of joggers (thanks S and N!)
  • A batch of bakers
  • A podium of politicians
  • An orbit of astronauts
  • An break of psychotics
  • A right of conservatives
  • A left of liberals
  • A cup of Tea Partiers
  • A shout of talk-radio hosts
  • A disorder of neurotics
  • An opinion of pundits
  • A lesson of teachers
  • A pucker of a$$holes

Canada launches "Stop the Leakage!"

Canada's well documented "brain drain" saw talented and creative academics, researchers, and engineers leave Canada to take jobs in the US. And although this decade-long outflow has slowed somewhat due to the US economy (as well as to overt efforts by the Canadian government to staunch it) a consistent trickle persists.

To counter this, Canada's Ministry of Super-Double-Secret Reverse-Counter-Demagoguery and Abundantly Redundant Superfluities (
or MSDSRCDARS, pronounced, miss-diss-rack-dars) has come up with a covert plan, called "Stop the Leakage!" that might not only stop the leakage, but that just might reverse the flow completely, thereby bringing thousands if not millions back to the Great White North in droves (although the US is currently suffering a drove shortage due to outsourcing and materials issues).

The MSDSRCDARS is actively supporting a Palin-Bachmann presidential ticket for the 2012 US presidential election. This effort was brought about as the result of hearing reports of a recent comment made by Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R, Minnesota) who, in response to the question "does Minnesota see Canada as an ally," said "I'm not sure, but I see Canada from my porch."

Frightened half to death by her relative proximity, officials at the
MSDSRCDARS , who declined to be identified because they always wanted to be able to say "we decline to be identified," came up with their plan and said their hope is to, "scare the bejesus out of those rational Americans who see a Palin-Bachmann ticket as a direct path to a living Hell right here on Earth."

Although with this effort the
MSDSRCDARS admits it is working somewhat outside its normal scope, these same officials are confident they can achieve "a win-win by scaring Canadians back to Canada and by getting Obama elected for a second term." (Editor's Note: There is documented evidence of Canadian meddling in the past, both in the form of conspiracies and plots to invade the US.)

After they succeed with this project (pronounced "prō-ject"), their next one is to develop a working definition of "bejesus," but more importantly to see that the expression "win-win" is "never again used by anyone, anywhere" and they have, in fact, issued a public apology for its use here. The
MSDSRCDARS will also be finding a new name for their ministry as they say their printing and ink costs have gone through the roof.

We wish them luck with their
prōject... um... project.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The GOP's 2012 Presidential Ticket

Mark my words.

Here's the link to Citizenship and Immigration Canada.

Operators are standing by.

Lou Dobbs' ego seeks to stay on at CNN...

Although Lou Dobbs will be leaving CNN after being released from his contract, his ego is requesting permission to be kept on at CNN so that up-and-coming actors turned opinion journalists can learn from the very best. But because Mr. Dobbs has allowed his ego to run unfettered at CNN for so many years, this might not prove a workable option.

Interestingly enough, though, just after announcing his departure from CNN, and his ego's request to remain, Mr. Dobbs mouth has now asked for a release from its contract to speak for Mr. Dobbs; however, Mr. Dobbs' mouthpiece denied his mouth's request, saying Mr. Dobbs will do what he can to put a sock in it.

Then, when asked what he might be considering as a
post-CNN career, Mr. Dobbs' mouth wrote a large check that his ego just couldn't cash, so at this point it's not clear what the future holds for Mr. Dobbs, for his ego, for his mouth, or for this hyper-extended metaphor.

But until Mr. Dobbs' ego allows him to pull his head from his a$$, his mouth will be unavailable for comment.

The end times are certainly near...

Sean Hannity apologizes for his rally-video gaff! Of course he said it was a screw-up, and of course this certainly is possible, but he did apologize and that had to be tough for him, in all honesty. And I'm fairly certain the Daily Show staffer who watched your show, Sean, needed a shower afterward.

But kudos to you!

Now maybe it's time to apologize for this "incorrect video." You're supposedly a journalist, after all; this is not Fractured Flickers! You can't just patch together various vignettes to suit your position. (Oops I guess you actually can do this because you did.)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

No, not really.

So long Lou: we hardly knew you.

I'm sure you'll land on your feet... after falling flat on your face.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Did Hannity show fake video of Michele Bachmann's "press conference?"

On the Daily Show tonight, Jon Stewart exposed a trick Sean Hannity might have tried to pull last night on his show by showing supposed video of last week's anti-health care bill "press conference" on the steps of the Capitol Building, but which was actually a video clip from Glenn Beck's 9/12 rally in September.

The proof Jon Stewart offered was that the first portion of the Hannity video showed a September day in Washington, replete with full-Autumn colors and a clear blue sky, while the remainder of the clip showed green trees whose color had clearly not yet turned, and an overcast sky.

Regarding how this might have happened, the only things I can think are, (A) the Hannity staffer responsible for cueing the tape screwed up and "accidentally" showed the wrong video clip, or (B) the Hannity show intentionally
tried to deceive viewers by making Michele Bachmann's "press conference" (a.k.a. tea party rally) appear better attended than it actually was.


If it turns out to be the latter, this would be a serious breach of journalistic ethics and not at all in keeping with Fox News' slogans of "we report you decide" and "fair and balanced," and would do little to dispel the growing notion that Hannity is nothing but a PR shill for right-wing causes, as he demonstrated in this feeble attempt to offer doctored, badly edited video as "proof" of Cuba's dismal health care.

Sean... really. I thought even you were above this. So what do you think you'll do after you get fired from Fox News? Used car sales would probably be a perfect fit for you, but the protests from used-car salesman everywhere would probably preclude your getting the job.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Uh, oh...

Looks like little Eric might be in for a spanking when America's Anchorman finds out about this gaff.

Mr. Cantor better practice saying "I'm sorry Mr. Limbaugh," because that's exactly what he'll be doing in less than 48 hours, just as Misters Sanchez, Gingrey, Sanford, and Steele had to do.

They all learned you don't hush the Rush.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Right vs Left Revisited...

When are cable news shows going to drop the tired left-versus-right "punch-counterpunch" discussion theme?

not a discussion. It's a pointless exercise that all too often results in a shouting match. Nothing is ever resolved. Nothing new ever comes to light. Neither side relents its narrow, self-interested POV.

Both combatants (a.k.a. guests) yell, but neither one can hear what the other is saying, even if this truly
were the goal of the show's host, which it isn't.

This tired theme just doesn't add to the public discourse. It's subjective, combative, and just plain stupid.

Yesterday, former Republican congressman Tom Tancredo was a guest on MSNBC's "The Ed Show" along with Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos. During their shouting match, Mr. Moulitsas launched an ad hominem toward Mr. Tancredo (who, to be fair, launches plenty of these himself), at which Mr. Tancredo became incensed, demanded an apology, and walked off camera and off the show when he realized an apology wasn't forthcoming.

Who benefited from this exchange? What good came of it? Which side won this "debate?" How was the public discourse aided in any way? The answers are no one, nothing, neither, and not at all.

The real answer to who won is "ratings," because here we are talking about it, and you just
know it'll be the lead on other news shows on Sunday and Monday. The left will automatically support Moulitsas and the right will automatically support Tancredo.

Big surprise.


I feel so much better now.

Please... cable news producers... stop this absurd left-right baiting, stop inviting each fringe's attack dogs, and simply invite people with whom your host can have a discussion.

Rachel Maddow, as an example, knows how to do this. Rachel has a strong progressive bias; she freely admits this. But she invites people with opposing views and when they agree to appear, she has civil exchanges with them. They both can disagree, but they'll neither yell at one another nor abuse one another. (Bill... Sean... you listening?)

Civility is the real victim, and these staged right-left dust-ups do nothing to counter this trend.

Cut it out. You're grownups. Behave yourselves.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

File under U, for unbe-freaking-lievable!


You need a license to drive, a license for your dogs, your cats, but any idiot can have children.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Right v Left, as usual, but with a twist...

Much will be made today by the right about the gubernatorial wins in Virginia and New Jersey, but I think the far larger story is in the 23rd District of NY.

Look, New Jersey's incumbent Corzine didn't endear himself to too many people, on the right or on the left, so his demise isn't a shocker. And if you consider that Virginia typically votes for the party not in the Whitehouse, and has done this for decades, the win there isn't a shocker either; it's just cyclical.

But if you consider that Dede Scozzafava, a Republican, dropped out of the 23rd District race and supported the Democratic candidate, and that the furthest right among Rightublicans (Palin, Limbaugh, Bachmann, Hannity, et al.) didn't support her as their own party's candidate, you have the real story.

The right-wingnuts threw their support behind the human dynamo Doug Hoffman, who doesn't live in the district and who... wait for it... isn't even a Republican! Nope. Mr. Hoffman is a member of the Conservative Party of New York State, a party that thinks the Republicans are left-leaning wussies.

It's what happened in upstate New York that puts into stark relief the fractures that exist within the Republican Party.

If there are people who can make Newt Gingrich seem like a reasonable, moderate guy, then the Repos have a real schism to deal with. Sure, they will no doubt spin what happened to Mr. Hoffman, but, in truth, the Dems would have spun a loss in the 23rd as well, so is
Bill Owens the best man for the job?

I have no clue and that's not the point.

point is that the farthest-right fringe of the Republican Party is about to cut off the more-moderate-portion-of-the-party's nose to spite its arch-conservative face, and it's going to be fun to watch.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Asking Merriam-Webster's to revise a definition...

I'd like to ask Merriam-Webster's Dictionary to revise their definition of "smarmy" by adding this photograph... a clear example of what the word means.

But don't take my word for this. All you have to do is realize this guy said "I don't recall" (or things similar to it) a total of 72 times in his 2004 interview with the FBI.

Seventy two!

He didn't recall!? Are you kidding me!? Was he suddenly demented?

I don't think so, but I'll just bet that Representative Joe Wilson (R. SC) knows the correct word to use for what Dick is.

Hey... maybe if the FBI water-boarded him he'd come clean, but I almost forgot: Dick doesn't think it's torture so it wouldn't work on him.

Man, if anyone could make Dubya seem like a sympathetic character, it's Dick.

Please cash a sanity check...

Read this article, and then please explain to me why we and other countries have our men and women over there risking their well being, losing their limbs and their lives, when these knuckleheaded chowderheads can't even run their own %$#@ing country?

If this
isn't an enormous waste of lives, money, time, and energy, please show me what is.

President Obama just can't win...

Today, President Obama...
  • Sneezed into a Kleenex and was accused by the Rightublicans of not recycling
  • Sang in the shower and was accused of being a little flat and a little sharp
  • Played tennis with the First Lady and was accused of misogyny for not letting her win
  • Went for a walk and was accused of not supporting the auto industry by driving
  • Ate White House garden vegetables and was accused of not supporting the grocery industry
  • Burped up some radish and was accused of air pollution
  • Received his H1N1 shot and was accused of denying it to someone who was actually born here
  • Did not criticize Fox News and was accused of not paying enough attention to them
  • Listened to Rush Limbaugh's radio program and was accused of spying
  • Used a personal check to buy some new shoes and was accused of exacerbating the credit crisis
  • Broke a little wind and was accused of contributing to global warming
  • Turned up the heat in the Oval Office and was accused of hogging all the natural gas
  • Tried to give the Nobel Prize back and was accused of disrespecting the nominating committee
  • Thanked Olympia Snowe for her vote and was accused of favoring L.L. Bean over Eddie Bauer, and...
  • Dog-sat a friend's Boston, Jack Russell, and Airedale and was accused of palling around with terrierists

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Political limericks...

There was a large man named Rush
Whose opinions did constantly gush.

His radio rants,

Sure ruffle some pants,

But his thinking just seems so much mush.

There was a young man named Glenn

Who uses his chalk like a pen.

His arguments seem ruthless,

But his logic is toothless,

And he thinks commies hide in his den.

There was a young man name of Keith

Who rips at the right with his teeth.

He mocks them with voices,

And questions their choices,

Giving many of them a nightly worst wreath.

There was a thin woman named Ann

Who certainly could use a tan.

She lashes the left,

As morally bereft,

While thinking more right than most can.

There was a young man named Barack

Whose critics he often does shock.

They question his birth,

Say he lies without worth,

But say “no” to him as they dead lock.

There was a tall man name of Bill

Who nightly presents all his will.

“You’re in no-spin zones,”

To his guests he intones,

But he comes off as just nothing but shrill.

There was a young woman named Sarah

Whose beauty just might rival Farrah’s.

But when she opens her mouth,

All who hear her run south,
With a strong sense of fear and sheer terror.

There was a young man name of Sean

Who says lefties do everything wrong.

His rantings enable,

Right fringe groups who table,

The conspiracies for which Sean does long.

Added on 11/12/2009...

There once was a man named Lou Dobbs
Whose opinion he did spew out in gobs.
He ranted of illegals,
As he acted all regal,
So now he's considering new jobs.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Stop staring at yourself!

Someone at Fox News has got to tell Martha MacCallum to stop admiring herself in the monitor in front of her.

This is most noticeable and annoying when she takes part in those silly multiple-choice "nooooz" quizzes on The Factor. She spends more time catching glances at herself in the monitor than she does looking anywhere else.

course she's pretty. She is. But does she have to prove this to herself constantly?

Bill, please. Point some of your famous No Spin attitude straight at Ms. MacCallum and get her to stop stealing glances at herself in your monitors. It's annoying.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Bum's Rush for Rush?

Rush Limbaugh has fallen victim to a vast Liberal conspiracy of staggering proportions.

It's obvious that the NFL is a nest of lefty Socialists and Communists, because it has rejected Rush's honest desire to be an NFL-team owner, dropping him like a Favre bullet over the middle, rejecting him like a smothering defense on 4th and short.

Who could possibly believe that as an owner Mr. Limbaugh would not comport himself with the same dignity and restraint he has so clearly demonstrated on his radio broadcasts over the last decade?

What proof is there that he's anything less than a fair and impartial man who wants nothing more than to be one of the guys, to hang with his peers?

What has this world come to when a multi-millionaire can't spend his money on whatever he wants to in a supposedly free market, unimpeded by political and social pressures?

I, for one, can't wait for Rush's appearances on the fairest, most impartial media shows, like Hannity and The Factor and On the Record, so he can make his case and they can give him the support and props he so badly needs. The Teabaggers should take up his cause. Glenn Beck should diagram it on his chalkboard and expose it for what it is: Obama's fault. Women around the country should come to Rush's aid and support him in this unfair denial of his rights as he has so clearly done for them, time and time again.

This is just so obviously a case of left-wing pressure brought to bear on an innocent, right-thinking man who simply doesn't deserve any of it.

No... not really.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Deny wrongdoing yet pay anyway?

In what twisted part of the cosmos does it makes sense for a corporation or company to be able to admit no wrongdoing (in terms of what they were sued for), yet have to pay money in a settlement?

How can they agree that they owe someone money but be able to say they did nothing wrong?

If they truly did nothing wrong, they shouldn't pay anything at all. That they paid, however, means they did something wrong: paying is admitting this.

What am I missing here?

If I smack into someone in traffic or a tree in my yard falls on my neighbor's house, I pay for these transgressions. I can't say, "These weren't my fault, but here's some cash anyway."

If corporations want corporate personhood, want the rights that people have, they should behave like people and admit wrongdoing when they do wrong.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hello Pot? This is Kettle.

Eric Cantor's name is perfect: he's a can't-er, all right.

Here's how
his meeting with Steny Hoyer will probably go.

Hoyer: "So, I'd like you to get on board with health care reform."

Cantor: "No."

Hoyer: "You said it would be good 'to see if we in Congress could try to work together for a change.' So you're now saying you didn't say this?"

Cantor: "No."

Hoyer: "All you Republicans can seem to say is 'no'; is this any way to seek meaningful change?"

Cantor: "No."

Hoyer: "You're kind of a dick, aren't you?"

Cantor: "Yes... I mean, no."

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Brett, you are something!

I love the San Francisco 49ers, and they played a gutsy game today, but Brett Favre did it again and it was so much fun to watch.

The Niners can't feel too down about this one: they worked hard, and almost pulled it off, but it's a fact: Brett is just that good.

It's a cliche, but you just have to love the guy. What a game!

The Colonel...

No, not that one, this one!

did Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi settle for the rank of Colonel? Why not go all the way to General?

And for that matter, he's the head of the whole country: he could be King Gadhafi, for crying out loud.

Maybe Canada knows the truth and that's why he doesn't want to go there.

Hmmm... food for thought.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Is golf in Atlanta right now a good idea?

With all the misery resulting from the intense rains Northern Georgia and the surrounding areas have received, with all the financial difficulty the people in these areas are experiencing, is playing golf for a $10 Million prize really a good idea right now? What effect could that much money have on this rain-soaked area in terms of direct donations?

I don't know the answers.

I'm a golfer and a pro-golfing fan (I'm pro pro-golf?), so I can rationalize the large purses these men and women play for in exchange for the entertainment value that they deliver and the direct injection of money into the areas where their tournaments take place.

But at a time when the term "tone-deaf" is gaining prominence as a cliche in the popular lexicon, is going forward with this tournament an example of tone-deafness? Does it show poor taste? Bad judgment?

I don't know the answers.

Look, I haven't been planning this tournament for a year. I've nothing invested in it. I'm not employed in its cause. I'm not affected by its potential cancellation. I suppose it's possible that some of the tournament-related money that will pour into this region will help to some extent, but will the trickle-down effect really do anything in this case? Is this result even a responsibility of this tournament and its organizers and competitors?

I don't know the answers.

But it's because I love golf as I do that I don't want it to possibly shoot itself in the foot by playing a game while thousands in the area aren't playing, but are instead working hard to keep their lives together.

I don't know the answers.

I do know that in the grand scheme, golf is very close to the bottom of the human priority list, so maybe I do know the answers after all.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Cantor is Can't-er!

Rep. Eric Cantor defines the word smarmy.

Listen to what he says to
this woman regarding her question about a friend's lack of health care.

Is this the Repos plan to reform health care? Seek out government-sponsored assistance and charity care? Eric Cantor has shown that the Repos have no clothes when it comes to anything real, to anything helpful to anyone outside their wealthy base. They're devoid of real ideas and real solutions. All they can do is say "no" to everything and tell the uninsured to seek out charitable solutions.

Unbe-freaking-lievable! Can this guy really be this shallow? You could wade in him.

"Who in their right mind," indeed?

Read this, then prepare to be sick. Or maybe it's the other way around.

My first question is,
who cares?

Seriously. I feel badly for her now that this information is out there, I do; if it's true it's a terrible thing. But why in the world would she feel the need to put this out there at all? Her dad is dead, for cryin' out loud. He can't defend himself against the accusation. What possible benefit could there be to anyone for her to make this information known to the world? Some sort of awful catharsis?

Her sister asked, rhetorically," who in their right mind would make such a claim if it wasn't true." But her question presupposes this revelation came from someone
in their right mind, so who indeed.

I would argue she isn't which is why she did.

I'm amazed at how more and more people are choosing to live their lives like they're in a reality TV show. Cut it out! Please!

Friday, September 18, 2009

What a dope!

Just as the U.S. had to suffer under eight years of G'Dubya's constant goofiness, Iran has had to suffer under this wingnut.

The Iranians who voted for him should be ashamed of themselves, and the Iranians who didn't have to be at their collective wits' end.

I don't agree with much of what Israel does, with how it behaves and with how it treats some people, but to deny that the holocaust happened? the guy is just an idiot.

Sorry to resort to ad hominems, but he is an idiot. And he's a completely smarmy idiot at that.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Update on Ms. McTackypants

She's gone.

Way to go Wells Fargo, you sent her packing!

Now, maybe you can work on the corporate-value structure that might have led to this sort of aberrant behavior. Sure, she could have arrived at your company a soulless robot, but there are far too many soulless robots in your industry to assume that much coincidence.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The deadbeat deadline approaches...

I don't know about you, but I've been fairly disgusted by the plethora of TV ads pushing any number of supposedly legal tax avoidance schemes that just don't seem to sit right from an ethical standpoint. This is all leading up to a September 23 deadline for rich deadbeats to pay their taxes.

The TV ads I'm referring to feature some pretty smarmy goofballs saying things like this...

"We owed $150,000 in taxes, and negotiated a payment of just $12,000 to the IRS; we saved almost $140,000!"

No, you didn't save anything. What you did was beat the USA out of $140,000 worth of taxes you owed!

Either pay your damn taxes or live within your means so you don't have to call 1-800-DED-BEAT and whine!

Millions of Americans pay their taxes in full and on time, so why can't you?

OH! OH! I know why!

Because your deadbeats, that's why.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Health-insurance industry garners badly needed support...

At long last the down-trodden and much maligned health-insurance industry has garnered a badly needed public boost as thousands are expected to show up to express their strong support for the industry's well-intended plans for the continued good health and abundantly available health-care options of millions upon millions of Americans.

It's just so obvious that these fervent insurance-industry supporters are thoroughly satisfied with their health care, pay completely reasonable premiums for it, have absolutely no pre-existing conditions, have never filed a single health-care claim, have never been denied care for anything (grrrr... that darned rationing), and are certain to remain healthy until they suddenly drop dead at a ripe old age.

It's probably just as certain that these same supporters have no aging parents for whom they must care or about whom they must make decisions. That just has to be so great for them.

And it's no doubt just as likely that these very same aging parents will also suddenly (and conveniently) drop dead, requiring no heroic measures, or those pesky, bankruptcy-inducing costs, and causing no frustration or anguish for their surviving children and grandchildren.

Gee... what must it be like to be this thrilled about your health care!?
Probably a lot like those lucky socialists in France, Germany, the UK, and Canada, huh?

Plus, the millions of people who have no health care should feel every bit as lucky, just as satisfied, because they have nothing to worry about, no claims to file, no premiums to pay, no paperwork to submit, and the clear and enthusiastic support of the insurance-industry and its supporters, who so obviously have these uninsured people's best interests at heart.

Happiness loves company. It's a love-fest, I tell ya.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Obama sure did speak to children...

So much fuss was raised over President Obama's address to schoolchildren this week. So much speculation was made of this address in terms of his supposed intent, his agenda, his "real politics."

But who exactly were the children to whom he spoke?

Were they the high school and middle school students around the country who quietly sat while Obama spoke or were they the Republican members of congress who acted like children texting, tweeting, and walking out, shouting, squirming, and squealing?

Actions do speak louder, children, so behave yourselves.

The preferred grater of gold buyers everywhere...

So now even G. Gordon Liddy is hawking gold as an inflation hedge and investment. Wow... just when you thought the G-man couldn't get any creepier, he outdoes himself.

But my question is, if all the gold hoarders think dollars will die away, how will they actually spend their gold (not to mention where) when the time comes? Seriously. Think about it.

Gold now comes with exotic names, such as, Buffalos, Eagles, and Kangaroos, Maple Leafs and Britannicas, and even Philharmonics and Vienna Philharmonics. But are any of these denominated in a truly usable, spendable amount? How do you get change?

"Say buddy, can you break a Buffalo?"

If dollars will be no more, how will you use these gold coins (let alone carry them around)? I guess you'll have to pay $50 for everything valued at $50 or less.

But I have a solution: The Gold Greater!®

Just pull out a Buffalo and
The Gold Greater!® and shave off exactly what you need to purchase those little items, like a 64-oz. Slushie and a pack of Marlboros at yur local 7-11. Need a shave and a haircut? Reach for The Gold Greater!® and just shave away!

Not sure how much to take off? Have no fear:
The Gold Greater!® has four sides so you can choose the fineness or coarseness that's right for your purchase, and it comes with a scale so you can weigh your gold shavings; after all, you wouldn't want to overpay, now would you. Heaven forbid.

And if you order right now, we'll even include a leather pouch to store gold shavings you're given as change and a .357 Magnum revolver* you can use to protect yourself from all the people who will try to rob you of your gold shavings and coins.

The Gold Greater!® will solve the dilemma of overpaying with those precious gold coins and alleviate your concerns about converting from bucks to bullion.

So, go ahead.
Smooth operators are standing by. Take Mr. Liddy's advice. Buy some Buffalos today! Because when it comes to spending enormous amounts of money on a completely speculative venture with absolutely no guarantee of any meaningful return, why wouldn't you take the advice of a convicted felon?

I sure can't think of a reason, and besides,
The Gold Greater!® can help ease your mind about trusting even the most scurrilous creeps intent on leveraging most of your money.

*License, registration, ammunition, and CCW Certificate not included; void where prohibited; limit 12 firearms per family as supplies are limited.

Ms. Smarm E. McTackypants goes to Malibu...

Read this article and then ask yourself -- if, of course, proven to be true -- why the banking industry might just have an image problem.

So the saying goes, "rank hath its privileges," but "rank" has a double meaning, and
the seemingly privileged behavior of Ms. Cheronda Guyton (a.k.a. Smarm E. McTackypants) does not pass a smell test given by those who actually have souls.

The other question to ask is, did her decision to squat come just from Mr. Guyton or did it come with a blessing from his superiors?

Either way, this demonstrates unbelievable tone-deafness and the poorest of judgment, to say the least.

If, as Wells Fargo's slogan suggests, they are "the next stage in banking," Ms. Guyton better be careful, because she just might be on that next stage out of town, out of a job, and into legal trouble. And she can bank on that.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Former President Cheney speaks up.... again...

Let there be no confusion about exactly who was POTUS from January 2001 until January 2009. Make no mistake: it was Dick Cheney.

He ran the show. He made the decisions. He operated the machinery of state. He was the President.

If anyone, anywhere, might be confused by this, they shouldn't be. It's undeniable. George W. Bush was an empty suit, a mouth-piece, a stand-in, a patsy. Dick was the deal.

And now Dick is dealing dirt at every turn. After spending eight years in an undisclosed location, he can't stop talking. You couldn't shut him up with a soaking-wet rag in his mouth... oops... he just might enjoy that.

And now he says his potential testimony in the torture investigation "will
depend on the circumstances and what [he thinks] their activities are really involved in." Really? Depends on what, Dick? On how big a lie you need to tell? On how far above the law you want to keep placing yourself? You've already told dozens and dozens of whoppers... Dick... how could you possibly surpass those? You lost your soul years ago. Stop trying to make others lose theirs.

Please... go away. I don't care if you go away mad... just go away.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

This is starting to get sick...

What the hell is up with the Jackson Family? Just bury the guy already. This is a circus

Unless he's been frozen solid since his death, he's got to be ready for burial... beyond ready.

This is a circus. They talk about wanting to honor his memory, but they're doing everything but honoring it. What a freak show.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Guns Might Not Shoot People...

...but knuckleheads sure do.

Plaxico... although two years might be a bit harsh, spend the time wisely: learn to be less of a primadonna.

Mr. Chutzpah, Mr. Clueless...

Mitt Romney thinks President Obama is not being deferential enough to the Republicants regarding health care reform.

Huh? Is he kidding?

Mr. Obama is being far too deferential to the people who have absolutely no interest in real reform, and every special interest in killing anything like reform.

All you have to do is read anything from Senator Grassley to know this is true. Mr. Grassley will do all he can, and is doing all he can, to kill any bill that comes out of any committee, regardless of how how many concessions are made to them. He has no interest in stopping the health care-industry gravy train he's riding. He's using fear to cloud what's true.

Sure, real healthcare reform, a public option for healthcare (i.e., "Medicare for all"), will cost a bundle; anyone who suggest otherwise is being disingenuous to the extreme. But all we have to do is cut the defense budget to pay for it.

As it is now, we're subsidizing health care companies, enabling them to make absurd profits. Health care is not about the shareholders who own health care-company stocks; rather, it's about health care for these companies' policy holders. Senator Grassley, and even Democratic Senator Baucus, are far too beholden to the health care companies to be able to see their way through this.

More deferential to the Republicants, Mr. Romney? No way. Mr. Obama only needs to be deferential to the majority of people who elected him based on his promise to work his ass off for real health care reform, for real and affordable health care for everyone who needs it. If health care reform can be passed without the Republicants, so be it.

Mr. Romney, you need to get a clue. Bipartisanship only works if both sides mean it; however, your side clearly doesn't, clearly isn't interested in being bipartisan and instead insists on pure partisanship, on the politics of no. Mr. Obama keeps reaching out, and you keep slapping his open hand away.

Monday, June 1, 2009

New NEW lows!

Back in April I posted this: I had just received it as an email, which was a truly tacky solicitation from a fraudulent creep and I was gobsmacked by it.

Now the following arrived in an email, and the depths of depravity plumbed by the first guy have been surpassed and
then some by this jerk.

Dear Beloved,

Goodday to you and your family , i am sorry to disturb you but i just finished praying to God and i felt deeply in my heart that you are that individual that i have been looking for and so i can contact you for a blessing that you are about to recieve and also share with people that need it ,my name is Mr. Ehab Elbalawi a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.

It has defile all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only
about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for
anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never Generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how i have lived it.

Now that God has called me,I have willed and given most of my property and
assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so,I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of
the last good deeds I do on earth. I want to believe that you will be capable of handling this task for me.

I will wait to hear from you to know if you are capable of doing this
favour for me, ALLAH will bless you as you decide to do this .I will wait for your urgent response'' thank you for deciding to be used by GOD for this task.

Thank you

Ehab Elbalawi.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Can you say "credibility?"

If you're wondering about a good way to explain credibility, then this story is for you: it provides an excellent example of a complete lack of credibility.

If, however, you're an author who has had difficulty getting published, and you're tired of no-talent hacks getting published over you,
don't read it. It'll just piss you off.

What a complete joke this guy is. Anyone who buys this book is a moron and deserves to be taken.

But then, his being a non-reader who's getting paid to write a book makes perfect sense, because he gets paid to sing, but... well... you get the picture.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Goodbye Ada...

Ada the Dog: November 10th, 1996 -- May 14th, 2009

Thank you for making me a better person,
Schmed; I'll miss you.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Thanks a bunch!

This bill was voted on today. It would have helped well over 1.5 million families stay in their homes. (Update, 5/13/09.)

The following 12 Democratic senators* voted against it under pressure from the banking and credit union lobbies:

  • Senator Max Baucus (D-MT)
    (202) 224-2651
  • Senator Michael Bennett (D-CO)
    (202) 224-5852
  • Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV)
    (202) 224-3954
  • Senator Thomas Carper (D-DE)
    (202) 224-2441
  • Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND)
    (202) 224-2551
  • Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD)
    (202) 224-5842
  • Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA)
    (202) 224-5824
  • Senator Blanche Lincoln (D-AR)
    (202) 224-4843
  • Senator Ben Nelson (D-NE)
    (202) 224-6551
  • Senator Mark Pryor (D-AR)
    (202) 224-2353
  • Senator Arlen Specter (D-PA)
    (202) 224-4254
  • Senator Jon Tester (D-MT)
    (202) 224-2644
I'm sure the thousands upon thousands of homeowners in each of these senators' states -- who will be thrown out of their homes -- truly appreciate the courageous representation.

I respect their ideals in going outside their party lines, but I don't think this was exactly the ideal time to be doing this. In case they haven't noticed, we have a bit of a real estate crisis on our hands.

* Source:

Friday, April 24, 2009

No nukes?

Pakistan has nuclear bombs. The Taliban is threatening to topple the government in Pakistan; therefore, the Taliban ends up with nuclear weapons.

Oh joy: f
undamentalist wack-jobs with nukes. Hey... this was the Bush Administration for eight years, wasn't it?

Whew, for a minute there I thought we were in trouble.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Cheney's calling for the whole story to be told?

Dick says if the torture memos have been released, then the documentation that allegedly proves the efficacy of that torture should be released as well; in other words, he wants what he perceives to be the whole story to be told.

Fair enough, but even as Dick and his extremist toadies tout Barry Goldwater's famous quote, "I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice," they all need to consider the whole story, Goldwater's
entire quote, which ended with, "And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue!"

So... Dick... you better hope the DOJ demonstrates "moderation" in its "pursuit of justice."

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It Doesn't Matter!

By US federal statute, torture is illegal. President Obama has had released the so-called "torture memos," which clearly show how we've tortured people.

Now former-VP Dick Cheney is complaining (as are others) that releasing these memos without also releasing other classified documentation that attempts to indicate how torture has benefited the USA (and which, they contend, would balance the argument in favor of torture), would be to tell a one-sided story, of which they contend it would be unfair to tell only part.

This is like saying that all the bank robbers who gave the money they stole to other people could somehow justify their thefts if they could indicate how those people who received that money benefited from it.

Bank robbery is still illegal. Torture is still illegal. There isn't any defense of either.

Friday, April 17, 2009

You lost; get over it!

Dear Sean H, Bill O, Alex J, Bill B, Newt G, Michelle M, Glenn B, Michael S (both of you), Mark L, Laura I, Lou D, Rush L, Ann C, et al.,

I'm not sure if you recall this, but there was a democratically held, presidential election back in November, 2008. We hold one of these election thingies every four years, and we have been for over a couple-hundred years now.

As usual, two people ran, and one of them lost. There was no legal wrangling this time like there was in 2000 when your guy lost, then won with a boost from The Supremes. This time, things went smoothly, voters spoke loudly, no chads dangled, no one shouted, no lawyers wrangled: this time, Barack Obama won, fair and square.

Look, I'm sorry your guy in 2008 was, in your eyes, a poor candidate. I'm sorry he was joined at the lips with Bush 43. I'm sorry he chose as his VP running mate a governor who dragged down his own ticket and who diminished his own message even as she promoted her own. I'm sorry your guy vacillated more than a sofa shopper on a tight budget and blew in the wind more than the
18th pin at Pebble Beach. I'm sorry the distorted negative campaign he ran -- behind which some of you stood and from which most of you ran -- didn't work out for him or for you. I'm sorry for Joe the Plumber simply for him. I'm sorry you confuse "fair and balanced" with "fear and unbalanced." I'm sorry you seem to feel you always need to resort to anger and hatred and vitriol as forms of argument. And I'm sorry your Republican Party is in such a sorry state.

I'm sorry about all of this, but
please, stop fomenting fear and confusion by loudly proclaiming tyranny, fascism, and communism, and tacitly supporting racism, jingoism, and all manner of equally insidious hideous-isms.

All of this stuff is way beneath even all of you.
Please. Just stop it.

What you're doing is conflating (A) your obvious annoyance and frustration, with (B) having obviously lost an election. That's what this is about. You're neither, as you claim to be, big-C Conservatives nor little-c conservatives on a mission to save the country. You don't really care about the country; you just care about the part of it that agrees with you, the part that buys your books, the part that buys your advertisers' products, the part that buys into the viciously skewed, barking-mad mayhem you're making.

True, enormous-C conservatives -- like Goldwater, Reagan, and Buckley -- are on spin-cycle in their graves with every mean remark you make and with every claim you lay on their legacy.
All you've become, all you are, are bitter radical nationalists oozing your unctuous agenda over the free airwaves granted to you by the same schmucks you claim to care about.

OK. You don't like President Obama. So be it. Everyone gets this.
But you need to get that it took your guy eight years to drive us into the poorhouse and destroy our reputation in the world in which we all have to live; why not give the new guy more than eight weeks to fix things?

What you all need to do is what so many others did after the 2000 election: you need to get over it and get on with exercising your right as voters in the United States of America by fairly winning back the White House in 2012.

Until then, please... stop being so mean-spirited and so hateful; stop being such poor losers; and start trying to win the next one, fairly and squarely. That's "the American way," but you already know that, don't you.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Wingnut alert!

Yikes, and then some; however, it's a free country and Mr. Jones has a right to rant, but yikes nevertheless, because full-on, free-range goofballs like this guy are listening.

Take me back Mr. Wizard!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Great golf today!

This was an exciting final round to watch until the very end when the three survivors started their playoff. But Cabrera made it through, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy; and the same could be said of either Kenny Perry or Chad Campbell had either one of them prevailed.

Phil was his usual gracious self after stalling on the back-9, and Tiger was his usual cranky self after stalling for the three rounds prior to the final round.

Suffice it to say the person who deserved to win, won.

Viva la Argentina!

Vivo Roberto De Vincenzo!

Vivo Angel Cabrera!

So, you wanna be in a band?

Rule # 1: Don't piss off your audiences like Billy Bob did regarding Canadian audiences.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Why don't they get larger?

A well-known, heavily advertised manufacturer of multivitamins seems to jump on every new ingredient/additive bandwagon that comes along by reformulating its multivitamin and adding the newest and trendiest thing: anti-oxidants, lycopene, omega-3s, etc. Each new trend results in a new release of the product.

But here's the weird part: even as they add all these new ingredients, year after year, and the list of ingredients gets longer and longer, the multivitamin tablet that contains all these things doesn't seem to get larger.

To me, it seems their tablet should be the size of a football
by now, yet it's the same size no matter how much more stuff gets added to it.

How do they do that?

Aw shucks... what's the big deal?

In this article about his late arrival to a voluntary early training camp with the Buffalo Bills organization, Terrell Owens is quoted as saying, "What I find so unfair about it is that I’m not the only guy out of 32 teams that didn’t show up [and] what’s so frustrating about the whole thing is that everybody nitpicks at anything and everything I do.”

Are you kidding?

Are you seriously asking why people look askance at you, why they feel you're a jerk?

Because you pulled this sort of crap with San Francisco, with Philadelphia, with Dallas, and now with Buffalo, that's why.

What you should have said is, "Hey, I do this lame stuff all the time, everywhere I play; what's the big deal?"

Hundreds of other players in every sport manage to get along with the people they work with and work for: why can't you?

Sorry bud, you're just not that good, and I'm shocked people keep paying you to behave like an ass.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Wingnut Alert!

Yup... this is way too easy.

The Bachmanator strikes

I'm really embarrassed for this woman, but I'm even more embarrassed for the people who voted for her (or frightened by the complete lack of judgment).

Wingnut Alert!

These guys just make this SO easy.

Since when is a constitutionally correct and fairly contested presidential election a power grab?
The Repos are spewing sour grapes because their candidates sucked so badly.

And since when is Dick Morris a reliable source?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

We ALL should feel lucky to have this guy...

Love him, hate him, or ignore and marginalize him, Noam is the man.

This is Part 2 of this interview.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Wingnut Alert!

And the hits just keep on coming.

The Newtster
strikes again.

Yikes. Imagine this guy as president. A laser? Really?


Sunday, April 5, 2009

What's with Taylor Swift?

For months now I've been hearing all this buzz about Taylor Swift.

Well, I watched the opening to the Country Music Awards show tonight, and I'm sorry but she can't sing. She sort of... well... whines and moans in a semi-melodic way.

Nope, I don't get it.

Whew! I'll sure save a butt-load of money not buying Taylor Swift CDs.

Kim Jong-il can't get it up...

Yes... really. Read all about it here.

It's OK, Kim, Satellite Entry Disorder (S.E.D.) happens.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Internet scammers reach new lows...

Just when I thought the belly of a snake couldn't get any lower, when I thought I thoroughly understood the word "scoundrel," I received an oh-so plaintive missive (shown below) to one of my email addresses.

Because its sender said I should not "discuss this" and should "destroy it" to avoid "leakage,"
I posted it here for all to read as a big "f@ck you!"

Wow. Can you say "scumbag?" These people are just creepy as hell, utterly without shame, and beneath contempt. I'm certain it was just so difficult for him as he
"summed up courage" to write this garbage.

Get a real job!!!!

This letter is simply a new variation of an old scam that's been running for years. Beware of responding to these morons; just out them when you see them.

Dear Friend,

With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am presently in Iraq with the USA marine platoon; I found your contact particulars in an Address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $900,000.00(Nine hundred thousand dollars) to you, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money, and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY: Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunitions at a location near one of Saddam's old palaces during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us, this was quite an illegal
thing to do, but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole.

The above figure was given to me as my share,and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me,so with the help of a German contact working here, and his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot.He does not know the real contents of the package,and believes that it belongs to an Asian American who died in an air raid, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his family.

There is a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up,and i will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party, should you have reasons to reject this offer. Please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us.

I do not know for how long we will remain here but hopefully before the year runs out, I have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help.

Capt John Nielsen

Friday, April 3, 2009

I have an idea...

Why don't assh*les like this guy just shoot themselves FIRST!

That way, if they want to die, they can just get it the hell over with and not take an innocent baker's dozen with them.

White Belt Redux...

Phil, Phil, Phil... read this, then do the right thing, man!

Don't blame the wind.

You're plus-3 after 8 holes because of that... gulp... b-b-b-belt.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Geeky Golfer Warning!

If you love golf (and why wouldn't you), but have grown tired of the never-ending Woods-vs-Nicklaus conjecture (Alien-vs-Predator, etc.), here is an article that covers it better than any I've read.

It's thoughtful and well written.

The 15 Commandments of Customer Service

We're remodeling a bathroom ourselves and as a result we've come into contact with many vendors of products as well as services.

Sorry to seem pedantic, but in these rough economic times, when spending is at a historic low point and businesses must thrive on what little spending they receive, customer service can make a difference for any business that wishes to remain in business. This goes for plumbers and physicians, for the mom-and-pop hardware and a giant Lowe's.

Following are what I call "The 15 Commandments of Customer Service."


1. Never forget that without customers, you have no business. Treating customers in any way but courteously and respectfully will signal the beginning of the end of your business.

2. Never forget that you’re not doing customers a favor by being in business; rather, they’re doing you a favor by giving you theirs.

3. It takes 20 positive things to overcome one negative thing.

4. Call when you say you will. If you tell customers you’ll call regarding an order or a service, then call. If you don’t plan to call or think you might forget to call, then don’t say you will (or simply tell customers to call you).

5. Hire employees who share your customer service point of view. Relying on customer service training (or, worse, coercion) to instill the art of customer service in people who have no concept of it
(through a simple lack of experience) will not be anywhere near as successful as you need it to be.

6. Never assume customers know your business or, especially, your processes. You might have to explain how your order process works, what your return policy is, or something similar. Simply handing customers a printed copy of your policies --- or telling them all your policies are discussed at your web page --- is not sufficient and lame to the extreme.

7. Avoid using jargon with customers you don’t know or who don’t know you. How do you feel when someone speaks a language you don’t understand, and does so right in front of you. Confused? Well, jargon is like another language to your customer, and a confused customer will go elsewhere (i.e., you’ll experience Commandment 1).

8. Be careful discussing theory with customers. Chances are customers don’t come to you for an education, they come to you because you can do something for them. If you bury them in theory you’ll confuse them: don’t explain how a vacuum is created inside the BigVac 1000, just demonstrate how well the BigVac 1000 picks up debris. (The corollary to this is customers who know more about the theory than you.)

9. Never try to show your customers you know more than they do (put another way, never assume they know less than you). They’re probably in your store because they know less than you, or simply because what you can do for them is something they can’t do for themselves. Either way, no one likes to be made to feel stupid. (See also Commandments 1 and 2.)

10. Don’t ever think that what you offer is something customers can’t find elsewhere in one form or another. The same day you begin to act as if you’re the only game in town is the same day all those similar games in town begin to appeal to your customers.

11. Listen to your customers twice as much as you speak to them. You have two ears and one mouth. Yes, this is a bromide, but if you have a better way to suggest listening more than speaking, I’m all ears.

12. Avoid a fine-print mentality. Treat your customers as you would wish to be treated when you’re a customer. It’s not called the Tin Rule or the Iron Rule or the Aluminum Rule; its called the Golden Rule. Whoever thought of this used a precious metal because this is a precious rule.
(See also Commandment 6.)

13. Don’t be afraid to say I can’t help you. You can do this positively by suggesting where they might go to find what they need and, if there’s time, by offering to call ahead for them: this can be to a competitive business, to another store within your franchise or chain,
or simply to another department within your store.

14. Never denigrate a competitor or another customer, in front of a
competitor or another customer. (See also “the Golden Rule.”)

15. Follow up with customers after a large sale or a complex service. A small thing like a follow-up phone call or email to ask how things are going can make a huge impression and can ensure return business. No, you probably can’t contact all your customers, but you can contact some of them. John Chambers of Cisco Systems has always done this, and look where Cisco is.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Oops, he did it again...


If you missed it, this was a fun one. Eldrick Tiger Woods did it by locating rough, missing greens, finding bunkers, but dropping putts. Who else in any sport is as competitive, as motivated?
Sometimes the guy just doesn't seem human.

Sean O'Hair will be back. He's too good not to be. Hang in there Sean: par just might have won it for you.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The "scoundrel sniff test?"

John, John, John.

The higher the pedestal, the farther the fall.

This is just sad.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Who goes first?

NASA just announced this.

I'm wondering how they choose the guy who drinks first.

Maybe the delay is because no one would volunteer.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Truer words...

I just can't imagine the current frustration about the financial bonus (a.k.a. retention award) situation being expressed any better than this.

Truer words are rarely spoken.

Its gist? Senator Christopher Dodd has just suggested that allowing us all to be bent over by AIG, et al., is better than not having expressed in writing the ability to be allowed to bend us over should the choice be made to do so.


Grab your ankles, Senator Dodd: 2010 is coming fast.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Stupid is as stupid does...

Forrest Gump's mom spoke the truth, and this is a really stupid idea.... REALLY stoooopid.

Hopefully the Obama team will figure this out sooner rather than later: you can't say you support our troops and then not support our troops.

Buffalo for the Broken Heart...

I know this is what so many book reviewers say, but... if you read just one book this year, please read this one: "Buffalo for the Broken Heart."

It's nothing short of wonderful.

Even if you're a vegetarian, and the thought of eating any animal (including buffalo) is abhorrent to you, you'll get something fine from this moving story
of loss, longing, love, and life on the Great Plains.

For more information about Dan O'Brien and what he's doing now, please check out this web link.

Never thought I'd say this, but...

I never thought I'd thank George W. Bush, but after reading the first four paragraphs of this story, I'm moved to say exactly that: Thank you George.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Only one way to say this...


Ready for Primetime?

This is wonderful viewing, if not excruciatingly uncomfortable to watch.

Jim Cramer is too often simply glib and loud, neither of which helps his arguments; he did little to counter this tendency last night on "The Daily Show." Jon Stewart's argument was cogently constructed and deftly presented. All Mr. Cramer could do was sputter and act contrite, with the accent squarely on "act."

Jim Cramer spent years in the background feathering his own financial nest. He then somehow managed to get his own vacuous infotainment show, which he proved last night he certainly deserves having: he was almost entirely devoid of info and completely full of 'tainment.

CNBC has to be rubbing its collective jaw right now. It certainly took one squarely on Mr. Cramer's chin last night. Ouch.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Wingnut Alert

This video is, well, weird. That's the only way I can put it. I couldn't even imagine what he's thinking. Hence the wingnut alert.

Look, I'm a registered Independent, I voted for President Obama, and I'm happy I did, but oftentimes those for whom you vote come with people about whom you're... how shall I say this... less than thrilled. (Think of all those Dick Cheney supporters who were bummed about his choice of George W. Bush.)

Mr. Reid is a good example of this idea. As an analogy, think of the expression "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives." I'm delighted with my pick of President Obama, but I'm far less happy with his political relatives.

Friday, March 6, 2009

First step?

This article says that Bernie Madoff has "taken the first step to pleading guilty."

Step schmep!

It's is easy to plead guilty, Bernie; just repeat after me: "I'm guilty."

What a douche this guy is.